Moments in life

Mondays and Rain

2011-09-19T13:43:00.002+08:00

It's recess week, but it doesn't really feel like it, except that I'm working tomorrow. I'm in the student lounge on a rainy Monday afternoon. I forgot my pencil case, which conveniently acts as an excuse to not want to study. I figured I should use the time to blog then, since nothing is going in anyway.

Listening to Jung Jae Hyung, a new found love, great pianist, next to Kevin Kern and Yiruma. Just received an sms, my mother passed her insurance test! Now that calls for a celebration! Goes to show that hard work does pay off.. :D

I'm missing Korea every single day. It's true when they say spending time abroad is like living in a dream. I get slapped by reality every now and then.

Scrapbooking

2010-12-12T04:20:00.003+08:00

8 years can past by fast. Without noticing, we have evolved into a different stage in life with certain things remaining as constant. 8 years can also be a very long time. Collecting experiences, both good and bad. Today, I flip the pages of what is left. A mental scrapbook that you wouldn't keep.

It feels like a drama.. People who watch me probably feels the same way too. They don't understand that changes are hard to adapt. Especially when you're not trying to.

I'll keep my scrapbook safe.

Just digressing

2010-11-18T16:07:00.003+08:00

I paid $3.50 for a happy meal of topokki with no toy! It was a really small, square plate with less than 10 rice cakes! =( Not happy!

I've been spending too much time watching wongfuproductions, nigahiga, kevjumba, and many others on youtube. I think it is becoming an addiction. Truly inspired by their great works and to think, they are not any older than I am.. My muse~ Sad to say, I'm way too far from success!

Ok gotta get back to work. 5 more days to the start of exams, 12 more days to the end of it!

Intersection

2010-11-15T16:11:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I think I'm too unlucky. I meet the wrong people. I look around and I see groups of people having a good time. And here I am, trying to pull a friend to have lunch with me because I'm all alone and pathetic and I didn't even manage to get her to move. This is more of a reflective post I guess. Is it me? Or is it luck? I'd like to think that it's a matter of crossing pathways and quoting Buble, "I just haven't met you yet," but I don't really think so. Hmm.. Ok then it's me and so suck it up!

If life gives you lemons, add it into your iced tea!

Pardon the bitch fit and the immature rantings. It's 4.20 p.m. and I haven't had lunch yet. A hungry man breeds an angry soul. After this post I'd probably go downstairs to get some food before I start making sashimi out of people.

There is this man sitting in front of me and he is either staring at me or staring right through me... =S This is a little freaky.. exam stress I guess, don't worry mister, I totally understand.

Yays! It's raining! At this point in time, I'd rather be at home sleeping but no worries, here is just as good for a nap! =D

Yum! Craving for this now.. Topokki!

2010-11-14T12:23:00.003+08:00

Places I'd rather be right now..

coast to coast exploring Phuket on my sampan

Grabbing cheap and good stuff in Bangkok

Be amazed at what this gigantic fish tank can offer

Shopping and eating like there's no tomorrow

:( School is such that you want to do everything else but study.

2010-11-12T14:02:00.003+08:00

Sometimes happy things can just pop out from nowhere and brighten our moody days
and I think I'm addicted to these random surprises.

Milk tea and lappy, I think I can stay here for awhile..

Wake me up, when november ends....~~~~~~ x2

2010-05-16T01:12:00.002+08:00

過幾天就是我的21歲生日.
想一想,
過去真的發生很多事.
後悔當時做過的傻事
也懷念之前的天真.
歲月留下的傷痕, 並沒有讓我更堅強.

這幾天想的特別多.
覺得有些是該為自己辯駁
不要讓自以為完美的人去定義什麼是辛福
只要覺得自己快樂
那就是辛福.

沒那麼簡單
也許我就是這樣吧
沒有辦法改變,也不想改變.
悲傷,不代表脆弱
一個人,不代表孤單.

2010-05-07T23:17:00.002+08:00

Holidays.. Not as fun as I imagined, but its definitely better than studying..! =) I finally got a good rest today, spending the time watching dramas indoors.. Packing a little and sleeping a little....too much.. NICE. I'm a 宅女. ^^

Wow 3 consecutive days of shopping is no joke, especially when I spent 6 mths sitting down and reading books. But its good exercise. Retail therapy is good.

I'm going to be 21 soon.. YAY. Gonna do something to mark this very special year. Something but not celebrating it like everyone else. Not that I dont care that I've been in this world for 21 years, but I just dont see why I should spend money to book a chalet, do catering and invite people that I've lost contact with to announce that I'm 21. I should, on the other hand, take the money and do something I've always felt like doing and be happy that I'm still surviving yea?

I finally watched 下一站, 幸福. Wow nice. Sad show, nice plot. Music is good. Nothing to complain except that I'm still not a fan of Vanness. =S no reasons why. YAY mahjong and get tgt day at Mengli's.. Cant wait! Eggcited!!

2010-05-02T19:46:00.003+08:00

Mugging Time!

The student lounge is really a great place to mug for exams.. I love the beanies.. ^^ Just a few more days and I'm a free bird! Perservere stella!

Totally hooked to 'The Liar Game', a Japanese drama. Its only been a few hours and I think I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms!~ Oh no.. am I forgetting the fact that exams arent over yet?! =S Yikes..

We're all a little restless now, especially me because I've been in the same spot for hours and its really tiring staring at words all the time.. I must reward myself during the 3 mths holiday. I deserve it!

I need to get a haircut... Russell or Storm? Price is almost the same but I'm not sure which to choose.. I've never been to Russell before, maybe I should try it.. Argh I dunno..

Woo... I'm good at 自拍-ing.. Haha.. Oh whats that in Bestia's hands? What? A PSP? Evidence that she is not as hardworking as she claims to be.. Lols.. =X Sorry Bestia, dont eat me!

Linda is working hard, for 5 minutes!.. Lols.. 5 minutes later and she is giggling in front of her laptop.. Needless to say.. Youtube again.. Zzz. Lols

Bestia having a 'TimeOut'

Exams is really the time when everyone gets fat. With all the sitting, coupled with stress eating.. Oh mama... Help!

Okie gotta get back to my work or I wont be able to finish... Hwaiting!~~

2010-05-01T11:39:00.002+08:00

Today, I've decided to blog about something more cheerful because I realised that my recent posts were all rantings of school, family and life.. It makes my life seem so morbid and I know thats not true..
Yesterday, I queued 3 hours for a Panasonic camera and got it for a very good price! Yay! We shouldnt think of these bargains as something only the kiasu, cheapo people would go for. Seriously.. If we really want something and we can get it at a cheaper price, why not? There is nothing to be ashamed about really.

I'm left with one more paper before I can finally shout out and say, "Exams are over!~"
Well, this semester has been a really tough one for me. Meeting uncooperative people, trying to juggle everything on hand, having no one to confide in and some family problems. I had to make a few major decisions, and hopefully it all turns out well.
Interpals is a good way to relieve stress and I cant express how glad I am to have discovered this wonderful social networking site. I have not replied my penpals for a week now, procrastinating, but I'll do it eventually.. =S

I spent the whole of last night filming the vid for the Jetsaver light challenge.. Really hope we get it or our efforts will come to naught.. =( There is more to be done if we wanna win! がんばって！Oh yes, speaking about Japanese, anyone has LAJ2201 notes to spare?! =D

If it wasnt for the fact that I had left my camera in Linda's house (oh no, ah min might step on it~ Noo.. ), I would be happily snapping silly photos and posting them up.. Lols.. Eggcited...

Oooo.. Hungry again~~~ Craving for Japanese Food.. Yum..

2010-04-12T23:56:00.002+08:00

FML.. Everything I say doesnt come out right.. Everybody gets the wrong idea.. THIS IS ME.

Get it or Get out.

I dont have to deal with this.

I am not proud nor narcissistic, but I cant seem to get that across.. Maybe I am but I just dont see it.. Heck it, FML

2010-04-08T09:58:00.002+08:00

One of the worst days of my life, I presume. Today, or at least up till now, nothing good happened to me. Forgot my battery when I left home, got back my test result to realise that I, once again, was at the bottom despite studying really hard. My friend who has been complaining that she is going to fail ends up scoring an A. and I wonder, why am I in University? Perhaps it was just a matter of good luck and trying really hard. My life was not what I has planned before. Just when I thought I was on the right track, ka plunk! I'm back to questioning myself and blaming everything else. My eyes are tired from all the straining, my heart tired from all the screaming. I wished I could cry but I cant. Yet, on the inside, I'm burning.. I had a sentence to follow up but I accidentally deleted it.. This happens all the time. Now even the keyboard is going against me. Was it my character that was preventing me from having wonderful company like the people from the opposite table. Was it that I didnt study enough? Was it because I was thinking too much about everything else? or was it because I'm a bad child so this is karma? I had the positivity to think that when one door closes, a window opens, but I dont see my window and the world is dark. The fact that I'm wallowing in self-pity and having to blog about this shows the lack of a confidante. Pathetic Soul.. Maybe I'll be labelled as that when I eventually reach eternity.. Where I'll never die again and live in my shameful past. Everyone is trying to bring me down, yet I succumb to their evil ways knowing its a plot. Its evident that I've lost hope and trust. I'm sure, I know. I stand alone. Competition from the person you wld like to be close friends with. You smile and make jokes while they take advantage of your companionship and hope that you'll always be under their feet. This is the cruel society and I'm awake, I've always been, I just dont wish to see it. I look around, who was I looking for? Was I pretending to be looking for someone? I'd rather be alone. I dont have to listen to peoples' complains when I have a whole chunk myself. I dont need this, I deserve better.

2010-02-15T22:50:00.002+08:00

Moving on

I am glad for this sudden revelation before the new year, which means a new beginning for me. Finally I was able to put down whatever self-mediated memories I've kept with me for a very long time and it feels as if I've gotten a load off my chest. Fortunately, the 'date' I had didnt go as I had planned and I was able to convince myself that I've been wasting time and effort on people that I cannot connect with, and these people are just out to toy with me. Like a puppet, so easily manipulated. So with no strings attached, I've decided, moving on was the best decision I've ever made in these 8 yrs. It all became very clear when the past haunted us that night, and I remembered why we never got together.

Chinese New Year is such a chore, especially when you have a bunch of curious cousins, who are so into their love life, and wonders why you're still single.
Hello.. Whats wrong with being single when you're 21? So I've never brought a man over to celebrate this joyous occasion, but what's the rush? I dont understand why people think its a disaster to not have a partner at this age. So you put your priorities on finding love, let me set my own priorities. You say studying is the best time to date, well come and study for my neverending exams! Even if I have the time, why would I want to engage myself in trying to maintain a relationship which will probably end sometime soon. Its a waste of time. They even asked me to get my sis to intro some guys to me. Whats wrong with you?! Talk to me about whats new in my life, what am I studying, where have I been, and I can come up with a 15 mins engaging talk with you. When I decided not to talk, you say I dont talk much, I am an introvert, oh my, its really because I find no reason to entertain your shallow thoughts. And to add to all these, I dont gamble. So chinese new year sucks, except for the hongbaos and the good food.

2010-02-02T23:24:00.003+08:00

Oh no! Malacca trip is cancelled because everyone is too busy! What happened to rest and rejuvenation?! Haiz.. okie since its only Malacca, I am actually okay with it. Save the money and do other stuff. =)

I might be selling my old stuff at the flea market this saturday! Yay.. What a way to get rid of all the clothes...

Heh.. I spent the day sleeping, like I was really tired from all that singing yesterday.. lols.. But it was worth it because I had a good dream.. I dreamt that I stayed in a big house and I met Jim Parsons! Oh yay! A dream is a wish your heart makes...

Hur hur~~

What a good good sleep for an afternoon nap. I got a headache after that but who cares! (:

2010-02-01T10:52:00.002+08:00

Its takes alot of courage to be yourself without having to worry if they are judging you or wondering if they might feel offended if you do this.. blah blah blah..
and apparently I am just a timid mouse struggling to keep my place within the social circle.

It sucks.

And ICTs suck with the lack of cues, so we dont know if people are rolling their eyes when chatting with you on msn. Why? Why is it so important to feel accepted? Everyone wants to be recognised and appreciated. 'Argh, dont be so sensitive!', how is that possible?! Hello, we have senses for obvious reasons!

Hello.. Change of subject.. Linda made me too happy for an emo blog post. So I am going to blog about what I shall be doing today. I am going to stay in school playing with my lappy.. Then we're going to go KBOX! Yay.. I am so glad I recovered from flu overnight! Now I can go and sing my heart out. Lalalala... Bestia left me all alone at the deck! Evil.... Bye!...........

Oh yes.. and I might be going malacca this weekend.. Just a short getaway.. Ahh.. I really need the rest and rejuvenation!

2010-01-29T20:49:00.002+08:00

I am so in love with the Big Bang Theory. Sheldon Cooper! Oh no.. I'm done with season 2 already?! Argh I love geeks! They're so much better than apes..

Quote for the day: Live and let live.

Sometimes we just have to give in and give ourselves a minute to catch our breath. Appreciate the things that didnt matter before.

Home Alone! Dont know when was the last time that happened.

Argh.. So many things to do, dont know where to start.. Friday is rest day! Yay!

2010-01-27T21:41:00.003+08:00

Its late in the evening and I'm supposed to be doing work for tmr's tutorial but here I am, blogging because there is so much on my mind that I can't seem to concentrate.
Met up with ex-jc mates today and realised how long we havent been chatting. It was refreshing. Its great to know that everyone is moving on and doing fine. Big dreams, and totally different from what we've planned during our innocent jc days. Future seems bleak and I dont know what to expect anymore. I thought taking cnm was a right decision and now I'm having second thoughts. Mass communications was never my first choice and now I'm forced to change and work towards something I'm so unsure of. Yes, take something that is of interest. But what exactly then, is my interest? Its not psychology for sure, I know because I've been given enough exposure.. So what is it?
I'm a few months away to my 21st birthday and yet I've achieved nothing, done nothing to which I can be proud of. Everyone is accelerating past me and all I can do is sit and stare. This is not a blog post where I lament about my sad past and how it haunts me every now and then. I just feel that I can do so many things and yet I'm wasting my time over here, struggling to past every single day. Why do I not possess the motivation to work hard for whatever path I've chosen and make the best out of it?
This is the transition to adulthood I guess.
Things are so gonna change soon..

2010-01-10T21:55:00.002+08:00

and its goodbye to the holidays..

Its been a fruitful one month, dramas and all.. I enjoyed it. Having abit of a headache now. Must be the pre-school stress. Must sleep early tonight and wake up at a godly hour of 7.30am.

Got a fringe cut today. I'm okay with it, slightly tipping over to the unsatisfied side. I'd like to call it the watermelon cut. Still the service was good and I walked out of the salon as a satisfied customer.

Just the thought of school, aka Hell, brings me into deep agony. The thought that I did badly last semester and that I have to worker even harder this semester to catch up kills me.
Instead of wishing that I'll wake up one day to find myself 20 pounds lighter, I now wish to wake up and find myself a geek.

So whats going on this semester other than alot of slogging?
First, being a bridesmaid, I have to be responsible for my duties and help my sister with her wedding preparations and on the day itself. Then, I'll have to pack because we're evacuating to a new place in April. And of course, the renovations and the moving.. Its a small family, everyone is involved.
So what does that mean? Alot of distractions.

Yikes! Good luck Stella.. You'll need alot of it..

2010-01-05T23:36:00.004+08:00

Holidays are almost over and in conclusion I havent done anything much other than watching dramas and eating.

Still, I think I am recharged enough to survive another semester(damn I'm going to regret saying this)..

So, this is a list of my favourites for the month..

Vampire Diaries-Season 1

If you're a fan of twilight, you'll love this. If you dont read or watch twilight(like me), then this is something new. Visually, I find the female lead super hot, a little like lana lang(superman if I'm not wrong). The male lead is a disappointment, but I overlooked it because the villian(evil vampire brother) is sooo cute. I mean, how can I be totally into the plot when half the time I'm cheering for the evil brother to survive so I can see more of him!?! I just started watching today actually and I'm finishing already because there are only 10 episodes.. Thats it, I'm going to get the book.. Maybe.. Argh I hate reading..

Criminal Minds-Season 5

After watching 4 seasons of criminal minds through the years, I'm glad to say that I'm not at all disappointed with season 5. Yes, yes.. profiling gets a little boring after a while but the plot gets you going. Well, it gets me covering my eyes every now and then for fear that the unsub might strike anytime. I'm still a fan of agent spencer reid, he is the one with the brains, dont know how he memorises his lines..

Not forgetting taiwan dramas..

Hai pai tian xin (translated as Hi, my sweetheart?)

The good thing about taiwanese dramas is that it is always close to home, something you can relate to very easily. Unlike those killings and fantasies you're probably never gonna be involved in in your life. Hence, its a good watch to kill time. I like dalang's bowl cut, I will get one if I'm brave enough, or have lost my mind..

And of course, Korean Dramas

You're beautiful

This is where I got my very limited korean vocabulary from. I like this one, theres not alot of crying and the male lead is goodlooking. Whaha. His hairstyle in this drama sucks though. I had to google him to get a decent picture.

Coffee Prince

I like this show because of the super cool coffee house. It is my dream cafe~ Well furnished with wood, two levels, big windows, alot of sunshine and a quiet porch. Woots! Its funny how the 2 korean dramas that I've watched are both of a girl pretending to be a guy and the guy thinks he is in love with a 'guy'. Hmm.. maybe subconsciously I'm supporting homosexual relationships.. hmm.. this is tricky..

Alrights, I'm done! Of course I've watched more but those that arent on this list, are not really worth mentioning. Some of them are nice, but not something I'll die not watching. So this is how I've been spending my days at home, trying to save some money on transport. I desperately need to get a life!

2010-01-02T05:09:00.002+08:00

Year 2010
This is not the way it should end, it should be the way it should begin.

Its happy new year again and I'm glad I get to spend the night with the girls.

Evaluation for the year 2009
It started off stressful and tiring with me and lengs struggling at work. My virgin experience travelling with friends to Taiwan. Strolling along the streets of taipei on my own. This trip had alot of 'first times' and marked '09 a year of independence and self-sufficiency.
Finally got into Nus which was something I wouldn't even think about 4 years ago. Its a difficult year trying to cope with studies and I can only say that I'm glad to survive out of it. Happy to embark in year 2010 with a sane mind and healthy physic.

New Year Resolution:
Pretty much the same as before. Study hard to get better results. Keep myself in good health to enjoy the pleasures that we are given all year round.

People that (still) matters most:
Family: Dad, mum, big sis and sylvia
To dad and mum. Please stop quarrelling. Let us make home (now aka hell) a better place to live in.
Big sis is getting married this year so I hope everything works well for her and though he is not prince charming, heres wishing them a happy ever after.
Sylvia cant continue schooling because she is too old for that, so she is going to spend her days at home. I hope she finds something to entertain herself real soon.
Clique: Anticipating new experiences and lots of laughters together.
Linda: We werent the closest to start with, but the whole uni life changed all of this. I'm glad it was you that I get to spend almost everyday having breaks with. I dont have a good temperament and you had to suffer this the whole time. Sorry and thank you.
Lengs: Hell bonds us. Really. Musicals and all, I can never find another to discuss this with. It was great fun to listen to your unique song choice and obsession in lego. Our conversations werent always mutually enticing, like your obsession with females and quirky fashion sense but yea, it was interesting.
Weijian: In-prompt-to dinner outings! More to come even when I'm down in my new home at jurong east! Our one and only, irreplaceable little eunuch.. =) Whahahaha...
(notice that it gets shorter and shorter.. I'm getting tired.. )
Bertinelli: Stop shopping and start saving. Then we can go to our favourite places.
Daxiong: We poke fun at you once too often. But remember that your character is what makes you you. We dont expect you to change anything although there were times I thought of strangling you and punching your face. lols I'm exaggerating.. (just a little).. Oh wells.. CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE DA XIONG IS EATING!?!?! famous phrase from yr 2009.
Mengli(ma): We sometimes get too affected by Bestia and acknowledge you as 'ma' as well. lols. You have 6 kids. okie ma, good luck with chinese studies and yes! apply to study in nus! Taiwan was great! Lets chiong back there again.
Szeying: We need to book you a month in advance for our outings. Please spend more time with your ex-classmates yea?!
Seok Peng: Is missing for the second half of the year. I dont know what happened but I hope she is well. Well.. Taiwan was great and I'll aways remember the silly jokes we made, and our hot bath experience and also the times we got lost. Haha.. Hope to travel again tgt.

Not forgetting my self-proclaimed amazing friend, Joleen. 8 years and counting. Lets meet up soon and don't forget me after all the fun in SIM.!

And to all other friends. Keep it real and stay healthy.. an occasional get together is a great energy boost.

And for whom thou shall not mention his name, its another year of missing, reminscing, and empty hopes, but unfortunately for you, I'm going to do just fine..

2010 is a year of chance and lets make the best out of it.

2009-12-31T03:40:00.002+08:00

Sleepless nights.. endless thoughts..
So confused and messed up, I don't know what to think anymore..
Trying to lose those thoughts but they keep haunting me, like a drug.

and I'm the addict.

I wish time could pass a little faster, so that I dont have to ponder about all the stuff that is not happening and have yet to happen.

'cause waiting is such a chore.. A painful process.

Pls youtube 'Officially missing you - JS'

2009-12-28T00:26:00.007+08:00

This Holiday..

Kbox with clique @ Cineleisure

Seemed like years when we got together and go out like this. It was a refreshing experience being not too long after exams. Didnt get to sing much and it was burning my pockets but overall it was great.

Christmas Dinner with Family @ Shokudo-Raffles City

Dad decided to bring the family out for an early x'mas dinner and since the whole family adore Japanese cuisine, we decided to go for something more asian as compared to the usual western dining. It was really expensive because my sis and mum ordered like it was a buffet and I couldn't bring myself to order for myself so I just sat and picked on what was already on the table. Delicious food, reasonable prices.

Lego @ Taka

I imagined what would be like to work in a lego shop, and YES, don't do it if you don't have a thing for lego. Interesting.. really...

All onboard Doulos! @ Vivo City, Harbourfront

It was to celebrate Wj's 20th birthday and we went to marche for food as usual. Thought it would be just like every other celebration but it got a little more exciting when we climbed onto Doulos. Christmas tree looks the same from last year, think they reused it..

Christmas celebration @ home

I wonder how long it has been since I last celebrated christmas with my folks. So its something new again! HoHoHo!.. Home is where the heart is.. And they're probably the best people to spend a night of giving, sharing and receiving..

2009-12-23T00:21:00.002+08:00

I'm very disappointed when I got my results today. I studied hard for it but it just didnt reflect on my report card. Guess effort is not the key to good grades. After watching temptation of the wife, my mood somehow got better. It just came to be that it could have been worse and I shouldnt be crying over spilt milk. I still get angry and sad but only because it pisses me that I didnt do well.

Its over and done, but the heartache lives on inside....

So So So... Christmas is around the corner and its my favourite season so nothing is going to keep me away from having a good time.
If Santa is real, I'm assuming he modernizes with time so I guess it is not surprising to find him surfing the net for gift inspirations.

(In a less barbaric tone) Here is my christmas list:
1. A not so thick jacket from uniqlo.
2. A bag for school, but must be cool enough for shopping trips.
3. A super big pair of sunglasses
4. A pair of cheap cool round earrings that could go with anything.
5. A black cotton cool vest that is XXXXXL!
6. A camera (just trying my luck here..)

Woohoo... HoHoHo.. Christmas Christmas time of year...

Thank you cow for the song intro!

2009-12-20T23:26:00.002+08:00

Think I'm too calculative sometimes. I think I am obsessed with the need to save, that's why I'm reluctant to part with money sometimes.
But I think I'm relatively generous to anyone that is generous towards me.
So the conclusion is, it is not that I'm stingy, I just havent found many people to be generous with.
Everytime I try to be a hero, I end up as a fool. So not going to do this unless I think its mutual.

craving for milk tea now..

2009-12-19T00:26:00.002+08:00

10 reasons why I'm fat
1. I'm lazy.
2. I eat whenever, wherever.
3. I'm eating beancurd and drinking coke now, at 12 29am. =)
4. I dread exercising.
5. I'm allergic to sweat. (excuses!)
6. My family members are all fat so I fit in. (tts right! blame it on the genes..)
7. I'm not motivated to look good and I'm not being ostracised (just ignored, sometimes..).
8. I'm comfortable with how I look. (too comfortable.. lols)
9. My cheeks love the attention they're getting.
10. I'm happy being porky! A block of lard, a block of lard...

10 reasons why I'm lucky
1. I'm special.
2. I have a shelter, both physically and mentally.
3. I have no lack of everything I need.
4. I have a dream and still working towards it.
5. I can survive being alone.
6. I'm given alot of opportunities.
7. I'm well nourished (tts for sure..).
8. I have good habits (no gambling, no drugs, no smoking..)
9. I'm not suicidal.
10. I'm contented.

Now I just have to refer to this whenever I'm feeling down and I will feel alot better..

2009-12-14T23:41:00.002+08:00

Its not like I'm doing family planning right now but after looking at my sister for the past 20 years, I'm tempted to not have kids despite all the magical things they can do to my life. I pity my parents sometimes (although there are times I think they deserved it). They started off bad, having the third child a handicapped, which meant that they could only rely on their 2 other daughters to support them when they're old and poor.
Well, my younger sis gets on my nerve at times, but she is permanently cute and good-natured.

My elder sister is what I normally call a 'failure'. I wouldnt blame leng shan for saying that she thought I was not on good terms with my sister because sometimes I really want to slap her awake and fix a new screw into her head. She is 25 years old now but is currently still on part time, working as a sales girl in a shoe shop. I have no problem with that but the thing is that she gives my dad(if she does) very little and locks the damn door playing computer games everyday. My parents love her but she doesnt think so. She still wants to get money from my parents for her wedding. I dont understand how a daughter can manage a life like this without feeling guilty at all.

So despite the fact that I dont have a big goal for a better tomorrow, my wish is that I stay alive so that I can earn enough money to support my family in future because I dont dare to hope that my sister would provide a single cent. Its a pity that I'm still studying now, or life would be so much better.

2009-12-13T00:34:00.002+08:00

Its the hap happiest time of the year...!

Yay.. Its christmas! Happy holidays!
Haha! I like spending my days watching dramas at home so I dont have to spend a single cent. =)

Ok I dont feel like blogging actually.. forget it. Lols..

2009-12-02T23:18:00.002+08:00

Exams are over. Yet it feels like a boring wednesday morning.
My day without having to fret over the next paper is relaxing, but not at all interesting.
Saying that, I do not wish to go back to my very stressed out days.

Yes, I now understand how Szeying gets tired after watching tv the whole day. I'm tired of watching dramas..

A chat with the girls yesterday was interesting. It was tiring but worth it.
Today I had time to think and evaluate on my past. A day of facebook always does that to me as I watch the program update the status of my secondary and jc friends.

Linda mentioned about how she would sit and watch quietly, being entertained by the bitchings by her friends of another friend as long as it wasnt her. I find it awkwardly interesting. Sets me thinking if I should just mind my own business at times. It is the smartest way to get me out of trouble.

I think the reason why I actually like blogging despite my laziness is due to the fact that I hate to be misunderstood and would like to express myself through this medium.
Ironically, due to the lack of social cues, this medium is very vulnerable to misunderstandings.

Sometimes what we say reveals alot about ourselves.
Don't be laughing just yet, time will tell that you're actually a devil.

2009-11-13T11:32:00.004+08:00

I am sitting at the deck, waiting for Joleen and this cafe is giving out free flowers to its customers. Its International Kindness Day.. I heard one of them saying.. Man.. I want a flower but I cant walk up a buy a drink.. He'll know I'm after the flower.. Tsk!

Sigh..

Gaining weight is no joke. Here, I'm sitting like a pregnant lady, waiting for my friend to come so that we can have another carbo recharge.

Kevin Kern never fails to cheer me up.. His wonderful works brings joy to my heart.

2009-11-12T18:29:00.002+08:00

Presenting my very own 'Stomp'

I totally understand when they say Singaporeans need to get their attitude checked.

Being a Singaporean, I am ashamed.

My dad has his usual gout problem and cant drive, so I took the initiative to buy the steamboat stuff in his place. So I went to Jurong Point and came back with bags of food. I was almost dying while waiting for the bus. It was then I saw that there was a seat vacant next to the bus stop. So I went quickly to get the seat (I wasnt very fast as I was carrying really alot of things). This malay uncle then appeared out of nowhere and put his stuff on the bench to 'chop' the seat. I was so pissed but I admit that I just wasnt fast enough so I stood next to him. The young malay girl sitting next to him saw me and didnt even bother to let me have her seat and just sat there smsing..

So typical right..

I finally got the uncle's seat when his bus came and soon I had to leave too cause my bus came as well. Then, while I was struggling with my shopping bags, this Indian lady came and watched me like a hawk, waiting to seize my seat. "Fine", I told myself. When I got up the bus, everyone rushed to grab a seat, young and old, leaving me to stand with my thousand plastic bags. It didnt help when there was a huge traffic jam due to the peak hour and that the driver was driving like he was some kind of a hell rider..

I had the opportunity to take out my keys beforehand to prepare to open the door, but I had no hands to open it. So when I alighted from the bus stop, I was hoping that the 3 others whom alighted with me would have the decency to open the blardy gate. I turned back and looked at them, this f****** chinese lady just look at me with the classic dumb look, and the malay man was carry a toddler, his wife was doing something else. When I refused to open the door, they had no choice but to pretend to search through their bag. I mean seriously, you know you'll need to open the gate to get in, shouldn't you prepare the keys in advance? Or do you think somebody else will have the keys and open the goddamned gate for you?? When I saw this, I did a very obvious rolling of the eyes and went to open the gate myself, with my dozen shopping bags.. The malay guy whio saw me rolling my eyes, helped me with the door (and may I add, he was also carrying a toddler) and I thanked him. The chinese woman then happily strolled in without having to touch her keys.

It was a very very tiring day, my mood wasnt so good from the start, and all these just made it worse..

2009-11-07T17:32:00.002+08:00

Oh man, that's my mom but I'd like to call her mdm Suzanna instead. Lols. Some annual company dinner.. Just thought I should post this out of randomness..

2009-11-07T10:33:00.004+08:00

I tolerated. I really tried. I should be happy now that you're gone. I just dont see why I should take anymore of your nonsense.

Just dont come back again...

Seriously.

I'm not some freaking hotline nor am I a hospice care service centre.

This is it. Really.

Okay, now for some entertainment..

Introducing my favourite singer of all time.. 絢香 Ayaka Iida.

Powerful voice! =)

Woots. Damn hot. Quote some fan, 'You kill me without your hands~~!!'. Lols. I thought that was quite amusing. Super cute okay! And those headphones! Oh man!! I want one of those!

2009-10-21T21:17:00.002+08:00

みんなさん、こんばんわ。。

きょうのレクッチャわとてもむずかしいです。

Haha.. I'm so excited that I've this new application. Thanks Linda! Okay. My Japanese suck. Those who know Japanese shouldn't be reading this. Still, I have to make it a point to update in Japanese every now and then. It's all about practice, practice, practice!

しゅくだいがたくさんあります。だいがくのせいかつわたいへんですね。

台湾が好きです。でも、お金がありません。それから、毎週の水曜日と金曜日に働きます。

今、テレビを見ます。１０時のprogrammeわとてもおもしろいですから、私毎晩を見ます。

もう１０時ですね。。

じゃ、また。

2009-10-15T18:06:00.002+08:00

Dont really have an urge to blog but I guess I should update anyway.

These few weeks have been hectic. Running ard singapore doing crazy stuff..

Had Nihon Mura buffet and it was great. I will be back.. someday.

Went Sun Tanning at sentosa where there was no sun(this somehow always happens to me). Managed to earn a free dinner which wasnt so bad.

Went to lengs hse for chocolate and card making session in preparation for YY's bday.

YY's bday celebration. Everyone had to wear a dress which wasnt anything special for me. Went to this pub in clarke quay, yello jello and was fascinated by its retro decor and marvellous hospitality. Cheap drinks, great music. Whats more to ask for? Real celebration started when we left the pub and made yy wear a 'free hugs' sandwich board. It was an experience seeing how people, mostly caucasians, would run up to her and give her a hug. That aside, I still believe that the free hugs campaign will only work for people who looks decent at least..

Swimming day. Everyone was so excited about it. We cheered when we saw the big warm sun smiling at us in the sky. Linda got shot by bullets but luckily it wasnt able to penetrate through. Not that her skin is thick though. =x We all turned darker at the end of the day. Woo Hoo!~

Yesterday, we went clubbing at St James. Quote sha, "sick james". Ok the place sucks totally. Still, I wouldnt say that I didnt enjoy myself, apart from all the complains and never-moving queues. It was surprising ok to me that we didnt get our drinks in the end and the fact that me and Linda never made it to the dance floor. Maybe its because I'd rather be queueing than be struggling with keeping up with the beat. So poor Linda, no drinks no dance. We made friends though. =)

And today! I got back my results for some of the courses and realise that I am below average. Goodness gracious! Mamafannabobannna! (sorry, just want to say tt)

And oh yea one last thing!
You ******, I cant stand your ******* attitude and your ****** face. Your ****** reaction pisses me off and you're so damn *******. If I had a gun and a bullet, I will ***** you first and if you have a twin, I will take the bullet and ***** myself! You just dont know how ********** you are and how irritating it could be. If I had a choice, I would want to have nothing to do with you. You're just not ***** it. Bloody *********** shit.

2009-09-23T11:28:00.002+08:00

Eek! Its wednesday and I havent been studying much. Oh great. Panic attack again.. Its time to give up..

Crayon Shin Chan's creator, Mr Yoshito Usui, died about a week ago and this piece of news was a great shock to me. My adolescent years were spent watching his works. I would buy his VCDs, and even try to find them on youtube. I love Crayon Shin Chan! Usui san is a talent! And they had to take him away. I remember singing the opening song of the cartoon that morning, only to find out that he was dead in the evening. Great. Now there will be no more Shin Chan. No more Green peppers. No more little bear biscuits. No more flat-chested, fat-butt mothers. Nooo..

Just finished Season 1 and on to Season 2 of Friends. Yay. Thats fast. They're really great Lengs. How can they manage to stay funny for 10 seasons? Dont you think its amazing? The whole concept of having a group of friends staying together kinda gets to me probably. =S

Please stay a little..

I have got alot of ideas recently. But I only have the budget for one. It also seems that I cant find a companion to fulfill my dreams.. Why is it so difficult? They're always saying 'yea sure why not?' and the next thing I know I am all alone again.

I guess I've just got myself to depend on and let's face it, you've just gotta do some things on your own.

Oh man.. My eyelids are getting heavy and its 12 in the afternoon. Its not as if I havent gotten enough sleep or anything.

Yay. Off to sleep some more.

2009-09-07T00:21:00.001+08:00

Selfish world. We must all be selfish. We should only do things to our own benefit.
No more accomodation. No more putting up with things. Its time to learn from your fall and stand tough amidst this cruel cruel world.

Society has no room for weaklings. Dont be a weakling. Stand strong stella. Its time you learn.

When you feel you dont belong here, drift away and move on. Cause thats how it works.

Talk less, Act more. And all good things are yours..

When I was 6 yrs old.
Music teacher: Stella, do you have a best friend?
Me: No. There are no such things as 'best friends'. Today they may be your best friend, tomorrow they may be your greatest enemy.

I shld get back the maturity of thought I had since young.

2009-08-30T23:49:00.000+08:00

Its actually my 'me time' now but I shall blog because I havent been blogging for awhile now. Hmm of course, the first thing that comes to mind.. School.

Stressful and the thought of having to drag my lazy ass out of the house by 8 is just dreadful!~ Hmm.. this week has been a long long week.. full of ups and downs.. Ups: managed to catch up with some of my old friends, had a good time chatting away. Downs: Japanese lecture, Japanese tutorials, Japanese language, Japanese tests, Japanese homework and all the other subjects that makes life worse. =) So.. what can I say... Chiong ar!!

Haha.. Seok peng I miss you! Havent seen you for awhile now..! thanks for tagging. Yes, I'm still looking for a laptop bag. Its no rush since I dont bring my lappy out often anyway. =D

Yesterday, I chanced upon a video while randomly surfing on youtube. Its really funny! Ok I dont think I have a low humour level but in case you dont laugh when you see NIGAHIGA's works, its not my fault. I would recommend this to weijian, who is still slacking at home because I think you're gonna be so amused. So go youtube, type in nigahiga and watch those videos, esp the 'movies in minutes' series. =) That'll keep you entertained for awhile. =)

Damn! I'm down with flu and cough. Its a double attack!! Haiz. My health is deteriorating.. I need POWERUPs!!~ Haha I'm listening to super high Japanese songs now, thanks to the music exchange session with linda during dinner just now. I'm in a really good mood now! I can jump up and down my bed screaming my lungs out if not for the fact that its past midnight and I might just destroy my comfy bed by doing so.

OOoooOOOKKKaayyyyyyy... Time to go to bed! Gotta wake up at 7 tmr! Whahahaha.. I just showered so I dont have to shower tmr when I wake up!! WHhahahahahahahaha!!! Oyasuminasai~

2009-08-22T00:04:00.002+08:00

A few things to blog about..

School. Ok I shall declare that I'm super stressed now. No matter how hard I try, I cant seem to catch up. Its just 2 weeks into school life and already I'm struggling. Japanese is really hard and all the quizzes which will be counted for the assessment IS NOT HELPING!
But if given a choice, would I still want to take up Japanese? Yes. Because its my interest and thus I shall brave through the storms! Ganbatte ne!

I've come so far, I cant go back to where I used to be.

CCA. I dont have a cca, but I know I should get one. Or I'll be labelled as a slacker in my report card. Can somebody tell me which is the slackest club? lols.. Haiz. I wanna join so many clubs but I've got so little time.

I'm desperately looking for Japanese songs right now. Trying to remind myself time and again, the reason why I took up Japanese language and trying to keep the interest there.

Tomorrow is another tough day because I'll need to do revisions (again) and finish my homework.

I'm so tempted to travel again. I'm definitely going for a trip during the december holidays. Thats my only motivation to work hard for now. Please let me get through this.

1st day of the 7th mth. I was haunted by my past..

2009-08-16T00:51:00.002+08:00

Having a headache now. Suddenly lost the urge to blog but since I'm here I shall just type some random stuff here.

Hmm.. Should I pay a little more to get a nicer laptop bag? I dont understand why wl thinks that a crumpler laptop bag is cheap. Doesnt make sense to me. Well, its a good thing that I'm not a slave to branding. Wouldnt want to burn in hole in my pocket just for that.

I dont understand why I'm so affected by this person's sucky behaviour. I know I should just live my own life and enjoy myself but I'm always so turned off by this person that I cant seem to have a good time with this person's presence!

Stella! Mind your own business!

Whahahahaha.... Went to Harvi's bday party in the evening. It was fun and it was very heartwarming to see him thanking his parents for bringing him up. Who would've thought? A guy. Thanking his parents. In front of everybody. =)

Which reminds me, I'm going to be 21 next year. How should I celebrate this? Should I go for a vacation? Or should I book a chalet? mmm...

2009-08-09T01:40:00.002+08:00

Yay.. Back from O week. Finally.. Cant believe school is starting next week. Nooo... I'm not mentally prepared yet.

HTHT sessions were interesting and shocking.. The story I heard today, once again, justifies the fact that men are apes.

Recently, I've come into contact with a few apes and thus the generalisation.

Reality sucks and the ability to see through it all made it worse. Sigh.

Move on my dear, Move on...

Camp pictures on Facebook! =)))))

2009-08-06T19:39:00.002+08:00

Maturity doesnt come with age. But I have to agree that we mature with time, as we're exposed to all kinds of situations.

I'd like to think that I've matured.

And have come to trust less..

2009-08-06T19:23:00.002+08:00

The Greatest Gift Of All - Jim Brickman and Michelle Wright

It's not the flowers,
wrapped in fancy paper
It's not the ring,
I wear around my finger
There's nothing in all the world I need
When I have you here beside me,
here beside me

So you could give me wings to fly
And catch me if I fall
Or pull the stars down from the sky
So I could wish on them all
But I couldn't ask for more
'Cause your love is the greatest gift of all

In your arms,
I found a strength inside me
And in your eyes,
there's a light to guide me
I would be lost without you
And all that my heart could ever want has come true

So you could give me wings to fly
And catch me if I fall
Or pull the stars down from the sky
SoI could wish on them all
But I couldn't ask for more
'Cause your love is the greatest gift of all

You could offer me the sun, the moon
And I would still believe
You gave me everything
When you gave your heart to me
But I couldn't ask for more
'Cause your love is the greatest gift of all

You could give me wings to fly
And catch me if I fall
Or pull the stars down from the sky
So I could wish on them all
But I couldn't ask for more
'Cause your love is the greatest gift of all
Your love is the greatest gift of all
Greatest gift of all

2009-08-03T00:30:00.002+08:00

Woosh! Another week gone. =( School is starting and its goodbye to korean dramas, slacking, day dreaming, shopping and having fun. Still.. all is worth it! Lots of stress for a better tomorrow!

Progress:
Tuesday: Visiting WJ
Da Bao-ed food up to WJ place. Ate, chat and watched disturbia. Chat some more and played MJ. Logged on to FB and started comparing OGs. Went to eat sushi at nihon mura and then proceed to jp for shopping.

Wednesday: Registration plus Schizo 2.5
Went for FASS registration, bought laptop and signed up for many things. Tired! Then went home to change for OG outing 2.5. Starting was bad, of which I shant go into further details, but overall was fantastic as expected. =) Camwhored like siao and of course the pictures were great cause I was the photographer. Mambo was cool although I wished we had more people there. To Clique: We should go tgt. It'll be damn fun. Guaranteed. Supper then went home.

Thursday: O week day 1
Went in at about 8 am with only 1 hr of sleep. Was camwhore IC so all I did was take pictures! Whoa. Cool. I like taking pictures yo! Left for home at ard 4 to change and get ready for shakespeare play at Drama centre theatre. Met up with WL at bugis, then went manhattan fish mkt to have dinner. Was rushing like mad so didnt really get to enjoy the food. Shakespeare play was thumbs up! HAHA. VERY VERY funny!! Was laughing my ass off. Literally. Watching a play is good cause all you have to do is shut up and enjoy the play. Dont have to crack my brains to come up with topics to talk to WL to cut the awkward silences, which was a torture btw. Was supposed to go back to camp at 11 but decided that I was too tired to drag myself there so I stayed at home and had a good rest instead.

Friday: O week day 2
Woke up early to bid for modules. It was surprisingly interesting with the help of Linda. Lost 2 bids and won 3. Slept again and went back to sch at ard 4. Took many pics again, then had some chats with Kat. Okay, she is hiding too many things from me! Damn, I should've have gone for the HTHT at vivo! Haiz... Went down to vivo with tirius for late dinner then home sweet home.

Saturday: Malaysia
Sis was kind enough to bring us along for her monthly hair check at m'sia. Went city square again as she insist that the hairstylist there is the best(totally not true and its damn ex!). Walked ard, bought some stationery and a skirt. Nice! At least I managed to get something. City square is so cool la. They created an indoor volleyball court and invited both singapore and m'sia teams to play. So after my shopping, I bought guavas and watched the vb matches. Shiok ar.. Haha.. But M'sia things are getting more and more expensive. Seriously not worth it to shop there anymore.
=( To my dear sister, please bring us to other places, we're really sick of city square thanks!

Sunday: Slacking at home
FBFBFBFB... Then watched my favourite HK dramas(so addictive) and FB somemore. Then went to Grandma's house and chat for awhile and here I am! Resting for tomorrow. Haiz.. Camp until Friday again.. Last camp though. Shall enjoy while I still can.. =)

Recently, I've come to see the light of many things and I'm grateful for this sudden revelation. Things are not always what it seems and I'm glad I know this. Really.

Ima Happy Gurl!! ^-^

2009-07-28T01:55:00.000+08:00

Hello! I'm back by popular demand! Okok. So its just weijian rushing me to blog because he has nothing to do at home..

Escape with clique was fun, except for the fact that when I closed my eyes preparing for sleep last night, I could still feel the earth revolving ard me. Scary.

1st time playing the go kart. I felt like I was an F1 driver speeding along the race track. I could feel the wind against my face as I stepped on the accelerator. It was cool. I was cool.

Log boat. Many fond memories of my young and innocent days. First time my weight was appreciated cause the splash was greater hence more thrilling.

Pirate Ship was scary. I felt like I was going to fall and having people at the bottom while you're at the top made it worse. My legs were shaking the whole time and I was so tempted to just close my eyes and make this feeling go away. The 2nd try was way better with much distractions by our favourite Action no 99~!

Fass talks today. 6 hrs long and very tiring since I woke up at 7. Met this very insensitive, narcissist during the break and the next half of the lecture was badly affected. Still I'm not as affected as I used to be because I now understand that when a person speaks like this, he is shallow and we should never stoop to their level.

Recently, I am increasingly convinced that I am more of a type B kinda person. Let me explain the grading system in detail. Type A means that you like a person because he/she is cute. Type B means that the person is cute because you like him/her. I'm proud to say that I'm very particular about character and I judge a person solely based on the character alone. To that particular someone, you're nothing special, if you think you're so damn great, maybe you should change your mirror or rather, your glasses.

Okie shall blog again tomorrow because I'm falling asleep alr..

2009-07-22T20:51:00.002+08:00

Yay! Blogger is back! Wasnt able to blog because blogger was down..
Updates! Updates!

Clique chalet
Alot of HTHT.. Many surprises.. Wasnt a very exciting experience but it was enjoyable. Day 1. Met up with clique at Ya kun. Manage to catch up a little with Sarah, who just came back from Australia. Bought some rations and headed off to Pasir ris. Spend the day eating and playing mj. Played the 'I've never' and the drinking game at night and HTHT-ed.
Day 2. Played somemore mj, slack ard, ate cup noodles and went to watch Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Not as good as the previous series but I'm glad lengshan was there to explain to me. =) Went back to our chalet, had a very scary experience with the cockroaches. OMG I nearly died. Had another round of HTHT and went to bed.
See? our chalet is very different. =D

Schizo's 1st outing!
Woo hoo.. Miss the schizo ppl so much! Met up at the Cathay and walked over to minds cafe to play board games. It was fun and I had a great time. Haha.. Dinner at nihon mura was cool too. Talked about modules and stuff. Oh man.. me and kat were really lost. Haha.. Went over to Xue's place and played Kings. Oh man... Got lots of unglam and disgusting pics! Haha.. Schizo ppl are really nice n cool yo! Linda was very safe throughout the game. Not fair!! Reached home at 4. Lols.. shagg..

Shopping
Went shopping on my own in town. Bought like 3 tshirts at a damn good price. Thanks to GSS. Definitely going back for more. Haha. I need alot of tshirts for sch anyway. It was fun doing things alone. I had a sudden revelation that no matter how my life will change in future, this part of me will remain. I'm still the loner and loving it!

Eh! I wanna watch the Complete works of William Shakespeare. But the clique isnt really keen. Eventually I was able to get WL to go but tickets for students were sold out!! Oh man.. I really want to watch this. Damn! Tsk..

Argh spent the day slacking at home again.. Shall plan and get my lazy ass out of the house tmr! =))))

2009-07-12T01:07:00.003+08:00

I'm back from Union Camp and would gladly announce that it was a great experience!
Most people would find that the camp wasnt as good as Arts camp but truthfully, I think I like Union Camp a little better.

Seriously, I think its the different aspects of camp that you're looking at. In my point of view, a camp is a portal for me to make friends and have hell lotta fun with them. So its not so much of the activities in the camp that I'm looking forward to.

What I liked about the camp:
-My OG
-the flyer (night 2)
-the food (Yum!)
-swimming day (day 3)
-war games (last day)
-the hostel (no need for sharing)
-fou-zza!

What I dont really like about the camp:
-Some OGLs/Councillors
-the delays and sudden need to rush
-beach day (day 1)
-amazing race (day 2)

So to weigh it off, I think I really enjoyed the camp! =)

A few people to thank...
Linda. I'd like to say thank you for being with me throughout the camp. Even though you could've mixed more with the rest, you're always with me, looking out for me and making sure that I'm not left out. =) I could feel it. You've taught me many things and I'm really thankful. I'm glad you're here and I feel much comfortable being crazy and high~.
This guy in my OG. Thanks for carrying a super heavy load of fats when you could've just moved to the back and grab another partner. Thanks for assuring that you wouldnt drop me and kept your promise. Thanks for not probing on about my weight. I have conquered the fear of this activity and feel extremely good!
My Og is the best! No one is particularly ang moh pai except for fou-zza but he is ok with it. The girls are all very friendly and the guys are all gentlemanly(with the exception of some of course). Everyone is so nice and I'm suffering withdrawal syndromes aft the camp.

Ohhhh Mama wo xi huan!!!~~ I say Fou! You say Zza~~! Fou! Zza! Fou! Zza! Now Point! ----->

2009-07-06T00:43:00.003+08:00

I'm here again. 2 posts in a day. This post is to commemorate the loss of a very good friend. Not like he is dead or anything...

For the friend.

For the friend who kept me company in the toughest times, walking through that long dreadful journey.
For the friend who tries hard to help but never really did succeed.
For the friend who would gladly be the fool as long as he is entertainment.
For the friend who thought of me during prayers.
For the friend who shows his weakness and laughs at them
For the friend who never hesitates
For the friend who keeps accomodating and finding excuses for the faults of his friends
For the friend who generously treats because money is not as important
For the friend who tolerates my endless criticisms and pms-es
For the friend who cares when I'm feeling down
For the friend who treats me truly as a friend

Cheers to the friend who had found a better friend.

2009-07-05T23:18:00.002+08:00

I think I will never be able to understand how to live without my sensitivity. I am starting to think that confidence is very important. And as much as we would like to stay humble, a little confidence is necessary to carry it off.

A list of have-tos:
-Believe in myself
-Think that being ordinary is perfect
-Love myself for who I am
-Be proud of my knowledge
-Understand that a gd conversation requires different viewpoints
-Stop trying too hard to fit in
-Talk more
-Have a good time no matter what I'm doing
-Do not regret
-Be myself

I guess the whole new environment thingy is getting in to me. The insecurity and exposure.. I'm sure I will get through this and it will be a bliss thereafter.

I'm really packed with all the activities lined up for me.
I have og outing tmr, union camp for 4 days, swimming cum supporting Bestia, walkathon, pre-camp, meetup with Sarah, BTT, clique chalet, timbo chalet, O week, matriculation process, buy laptop and other before sch stuff..... =.= Tired.

2009-07-04T01:52:00.002+08:00

On certain occasions, I wished I was a social butterfly. Then I could so naturally fit in to a crowd and have a great time with people I'm not really close with. But it is also at this point in time, I look upon myself as a desperate individual, trying too hard to be someone else.

I miss my clique, I really do.. Because I dont have to pretend to be entertained, I can sit aside without feeling left out and I can do whatever I want and still be accepted. Yet, I cant always rely on them. The tough reality says I have to move on.

Timbre was overrated. I thought the band was so-so. The only thing good was the pizza, which I only ate like one piece and had to pay 25 bucks. So I went home broke, awkward and dead. As I was changing into comfortable clothes and cleaning up, it felt as if I had taken off my mask as well. It felt seriously comfortable and nothing feels better.

Its hard trying to be someone else, but its harder to make friends when you dont pretend to have common interests. Haha. Confusing as it sounds, it is pretty logical.

I'm glad I'm having teppanyaki at SY's hse tmr, then we can have a really good time catching up just being myself. We could all have a good time laughing at Bestia and playing games like theres no tomorrow...

I cant sleep tonight, basically because I dont want to. I'm still feeling a little awkward and I need to listen to some jazz to bring back good ol' Stella Porky Tang!

2009-06-23T23:12:00.002+08:00

A day at home forced me to spent alot of time thinking. The thoughts we too deep and dark that it made me drowsy and lethargic for the whole day.

I have successfully gotten him out of my life. The culprit who left me holding on to my chest like my heart was going to give way anytime. He remains a memory, an abandoned and incomplete scaffolding. It, however, also meant that I had nothing left to hope for whenever he signs into msn, whenever he messages, whenever he calls.. It was as if a part of me went missing and I have nothing to fill up that missing spot. As much as I'd like to be strong and move on like its no big deal, I know I'm living with an empty spot and although it doesnt hurt anymore... I guess I still need some time to get used to it. It is a wonder how it took so long and if he had seen this entry, he would probably think I'm overreacting, or being too emotional, as usual. I'd like to think that all this happened because I didnt manage to get someone better to replace him. That I was too desperate for a companion so I kept clinging on to the past. Then it would all be just a convenient misunderstanding from the start. I shant carry on with this topic.

To my friends whom are so beautifully perfect and imperfect in different ways, I am still trying to appreciate and banish those bad and selfish thoughts. There were many times that I get really worked up with individuals, but I'm really trying to be more positive. Cheating myself when I have to and learning to live with some insensitivity. Looking back, I think I'm very different today. I didnt have friends I could confide in back then, but I do now. Although I still have many dark thoughts kept inside, I've learnt to be more truthful and dependent. Because we tell each other when we encounter problems, we complain about our sad lives, we do ugly poses and laugh at horrible jokes, we cry watching a sad movie, we ask when we have a question even though its silly, we reject what we dont like, and we laugh at every fall, I am comfortable to be myself as I know we all have weaknesses.

Certain things I have to clear up before I go to bed.
Sha, I know it has been bothering you for some time, about the helping incident. I really wasnt pissed. I was just, very confused. Cause I actually felt bad that I was complaining a little too much to you and lengs, it was almost like I was trying to gain alliance and get everyone to agree and pity me, which I felt wasnt doing 'Person A' justice and I didnt want anyone to misunderstand. The talk with 'Person B' came to me as a shock, because I preferred to settle this on my own since I am the best person to do so. I heard this from 'Person X' and according to her, 'Person B' got even more worked up, and it hurt me to hear this, and truthfully I wasnt so happy to be kept in the dark, thats why. I felt that 'Person B' didnt get my intentions correctly, so I thought that it probably made matters worse. I appreciate your help of course, for I know that you meant well and was trying to help. I wasnt angy, but felt I wanted a confidante more than a third party resolution. Maybe my blog post came out harsh but please forgive me as my mood wasnt so good at that point in time and I wasnt able to think straight.

I feel so much better now.. =]

2009-06-22T02:22:00.003+08:00

I hate it when I have to keep everything inside. Thats why I created a blog. To vent all my frustrations so that I can get to sleep peacefully.

I dont understand why people take advices like insults and try all ways to get back at him again.
I mean isnt it better to be truthful? If so, why take it so hard?
Then we should all shut our mouths and pretend to be happy. Because thats the only way people will like you. Yes?!

Yes. From now I shall shut my bloody mouth and pretend to be a total airhead. Thats what we call 'accomodation' huh.. I know posting this online will probably get tags like, 'yo wuzzup.. cheer up okay..' but seriously, it doesnt work this way. People like us (overly sensitive people) just wana find a channel to rant about such thoughts because too often we feel this way and its gonna explode if we keep it all to ourselves. SO, the revelation is, just try to put on a happy mask and blog out all your shit when you get home, in the comfort of bedsheets and pillows.

I know I'll be feeling better tomorrow when the sun is up, so there is nothing to worry about. Meanwhile, I'll just have to knock myself out and rest since I've a few more hours till dawn..

2009-06-07T15:03:00.002+08:00

Hiak Hiak Hiak!! Yes, it has been a week of rest and rejuvenation. I believe this could last forever.. But its getting a little fattening.. Tsk tsk tsk. Okay fine, so all that talk about losing weight was a hoax. Still, I must do something about this starting from tmr! or maybe the day after., or maybe next week.. hmm..

My Clique celebrated my birthday last tuesday in school. I got many nice cards and a Columbia windbreaker.

Thanks lengshan for the dinner intro.. =)

Yes! Kbox outing with Bestia and Linda on wed. 7 hrs of non-stop singing~~

Okay I'm seriously running low on funds due to the fact that I spent 110 bucks for 2 nus camps! Oh my god!! WHy Why Why?!!?

Things to do with clique:
-Picnic at Botannical gardens
-Clubbing
-Teppanyaki cum Durian party at Szeying's place (Szeying. I bet you've forgotten all about it.)

Things I wanna do with clique:
-Rollerblading and cycling outing at ecp

Alive

2009-06-04T21:58:00.002+08:00

Work is over, thankfully. For I've gained my life back and can, once again, resume where I've left off and start to fill up my 'to do' list before another job assignment comes along.

Right now I'm feeling so energised by the little tasks I have to complete.

Live the moment!! =) =) =)

Dream - Fulfilled

2009-05-23T15:17:00.005+08:00

To have laid foot on one of my five places to go before I die, I felt a compelling sense of accomplishment. Yes, it lived up to its expectations and my only regret is that I didnt spend enough time there.
One week to explore the whole of Taipei is seriously not enough. So we spent the later part of our vacation finding ourselves very short of time and having to plan every minute.

If a picture paints a thousand words...... Then I've got a book here. =) Enjoy.
At the Airport.

On the plane. Waiting for take-off. Weather was good, fortunately.

In the metro train, on the way back to the hostel aft dinner @ shida night market.
In our bedroom. Desperately trying to capture a decent picture.
At the Taipei Zoo. Admission was only 3 bucks and way bigger than the Singapore one. By the way, I didnt zoom in on this one. Yes, I would've died if he decides to sneeze. 0.0

Choo Choo Train which goes all the way to Tainan, Taitung and the other parts of Taiwan. But we just went to Jiu Fen.
Jiu Fen Old Street.
Wu Keng (Fifth Tunnel) @ Jing Gua Shi

View from a bridge.
Modern Toilet Restaurant. Mine was a bathtub, Mengli's was a toilet bowl and Seok's was a sink. We have a full set. Lols.
Qing Tian Gang @ Yang Ming Shan. Trust me, its beautiful...
Lols. Look at the vast lands behind me!!

'Ah Gei' and 'Ah Xiang' are the famous delicacies in Danshui Old Street. While Ah Gei is soso.. Ah Xiang is really good!! Its deep fried prawn rolls with a special homemade lemon sauce.. Omg Omg...
Of course! How could we forget about wen quan. Me and Seok went to the one where the locals usually went instead of the posh tourist resorts. The result? A refreshing, cheap and fun experience which costs only 40yuan(ard 2 dollars). A posh resort will charge at ard 400 - 1000yuan. =)
Ice cream after hot spring. KIMOCHI!!

Oh.. Would you look at the time! I'm supposed to meet the girls at 6 and its 5.20 alr.. Haha.. Okay, hope I have the motivation for part 2 soon..

If not, Taipei is way too good to describe it in a blog post. I'm just not doing the place enough justice. hahahaha...

Dusty~

2009-04-18T00:09:00.005+08:00

Ah ha! This blog is filled with cobwebs after so long.. *Coughs Coughs...

Haha! Dress up party was fun! We should do this more often.. =))

Cool huh.. Theres more..

Haha... Funny...

=))

Work is okay except for the fact that THERES TOO MUCH TO DO!! I meet interesting people everyday so its cool... =)))

ahh.. Going Sentosa tomorrow.. Yeah... Hehheh.. Off to watch my japanese drama!

Dress up party - updates

2009-04-04T21:48:00.002+08:00

Hello friends.. Here are the updates.

Booking of ktv room failed so we've decided to go for the bbq pit instead.

Of course, we will not be BBQ-ing.

I dont know what we're eating actually. How about some homemade beehoon?? Anyone can cook? (Dont trust my maid, even I dont eat her bee hoon..) Then we dont have to fret about what to eat.. =) Its always very hard to decide on this.

As for the time to meet, it differs for everyone.

SCDC ppl.. Bestia... Lengshan.. Linda...
Bestia and Lengshan: Pls come at 5pm. We need to pull the chairs and tables. Decorate(I dunno how)

Linda: Come at 4.

Games ppl: Me and Shasha.
Come at 5 too ba.. SO we can discuss on what to play first, and all..

Others: Try to come at 6 ok. Or there is really no point in setting a time to meet.
If you know you're going to take some time preparing your look, start earlier..

Once again, remember the look must be exaggerating. Or there is really no point. Spare a thought for ppl who spent hours for this only to see you in t-shirt and shorts. Curse and swear ppl!! Curse and swear!!

Since the venue is bbq pit. expect mosquitoes, the heat and smelly hair. Complaints will not be entertained and will seriously spoil the mood.

Okay ppl! See you there!!

Gloomy Spell

2009-04-01T21:59:00.003+08:00

Its at times like this when you ask yourself, 'Whats the point?'.

Life recently has been mundane mundane mundane.....

Despite my efforts at spicing things up a little.

Blah. Mounting tasks. Lack of exercise. Too many dark thoughts while working has made me the sad ol' grumpy woman with the tendency to kill a cat...

I secretly think that its rather pathetic not being able to have a friend that doesnt msg you only when he/she is plain bored.

And I hate those cold replies suggesting, 'Hey, I'm not interested. Get your information and go.'

I wonder what its like to have someone trying to impress you or make you happy.

You know, kinda like a friend that wants to stick to you.

Well.. You cant really blame this poor girl over here for her countless blog posts about her deprived life. She just have too much to moan about and its not like she is not trying hard enough.

I've got countless msgs of 'hey wuzzups' and after awhile when they are occupied with something else, it just gets shorter and less enthusiastic. Or worse when you try to chat with her and all her replies are one-liners.

And so.... 'WHATS THE POINT?'

Maybe because I'm low class, not pretty, not popular, not rich, not sociable, not interesting.. Pretty much the normal girl nobody wants to get close to. Maybe we dont share the same interests. Hmm... I think I'll just go with not popular and interesting.

Seems to make sense.

So I do things alone. I shop, I tann, I play, I eat, I work.... Me and myself. And I'm happy with that.

I dont see why I should change. And people are telling me 'Dont emo leh!'
I cant stand people thinking that being alone is sad and pathetic. You know, its real pathetic when you cant spend time alone. Too afraid of how the society judges you.

I think I wrote too much. Basically because I've been thinking too much and want to share my thoughts with someone else.

Yet, I can only do so in blogs. When some kind soul decides to visit out of boredom.

I will be a better person tomorrow. And I'm truly blessed with the good things in life which matters most to me.

Pretending

2009-03-25T01:32:00.002+08:00

Wearing a mask, these people we call friends smirk beneath their covers, waiting for you to beg for mercy. They feed you, then pull you, then hook you and release you. Savouring every moment spend torturing you. They observe your weaknesses, then slowly attack your weakest spot. Yet, pretending to be a tender friend, they come with open arms and feed you again.

You'd think, 'this time is different', 'this time he's changed'

Then he drags you back and stabs you again.

I know you're reading this.

I hope you're happy.

Dress Up Party!

2009-03-17T23:49:00.002+08:00

Dress Up Party

Venue: My place

Date: 11th April (saturday)

Time: 6pm

Theme: Balls and Apes
(Participants in inappropriate attire will be penalised)

Activities: Dinner (ju chao) & fun games

Be exaggerating people!! Just remember to stick to the theme! =))
If you have any enquiries or suggestions, feel free to contact me!!

Note: I will suggest that everyone try their best to make it for this event since its one of the few times that we're meeting up as a clique. Fun guaranteed!!

Oh~~~!!!

2009-03-12T00:04:00.002+08:00

Results are out. Didnt do as bad as I thought so I'm safe!!~~ Haha.. So blessed..

For now, I just hope that I can get into a local U so that my parents wouldnt have to pay too much.

=)=) Life is great without work..

But for the next 2 days, I'll be working again! In a different place though.. Just for 2 days...

Oh wells.. Better than nth. Hate to stay at home and eat sleep eat sleep.. It gets boring after awhile.

Havent been meeting up with my friends recently.. Haiz! Everyone is busy nowadays.. unlike during those days when we had school.. We spent most of our times tgt.

Looking at everyone's plans, it is likely that we're not going to be able to maintain the same clique in Uni like wad Linda said.

Haiz

SUcks.

I wanna travel! I wanna travel! I wanna travel!

I dont want to put too much hope on my friends for this.. I dont mind travelling alone.

Even though its dangerous.

Very dangerous.

Hmm...

better go read up more. =))

The week ends

2009-02-23T00:25:00.002+08:00

Ahhh... Sunday is over again..

I hate mondays. I really do.

Anyways, went shopping with my sister on Saturday to Marina Square and Far east. Whoa. Sale Sale and more Sale. Haha.. But it was mostly 20% or 30% and doesnt really make much of a difference. Took this time to do a little retail therapy( I really need this).
Bought a pair of jeans from Dorothy Perkins and was very pleased with it.
Apparently, they have jeans catered to the asian girls so I managed to get 'short skinny flair' and I dont have to alter it at all. The cutting is just right!! =)) Furthermore, it is only for $39.90(UP: $43)!! Its the same price as NEW FUTURE and LET jeans. Can you believe it? Haha.. Obviously I cant..
Then I went to SaSa to look around and managed to get Lee Stafford Hair Products at 2 for $10. I got a hair mousse and conditioner. Although I'm not sure whats it usual price, I think its a good buy too.

Went down to Vivo in the later part of the night to catch a movie since my sis was bugging me for the whole day and I wanted to watch that show anyway. Oh.. We watched 'He is just not that into you'. Not bad. Not a 'WHOA!' kind of movie but it kinda sets you thinking about what relationships are all about, not to try too hard and just let it come naturally. Well the movie was entertaining and its worth the 10 bucks. 3 stars.

Woke up at 4 pm in the evening and went out for dinner. My sunday is totally wasted.. Lols.

Dad says I take people too seriously and admits that he takes people seriously too. He says that often we'll get hurt when people dont mean what they say because we believe them and its disappointing when you've prepared or gotten excited for nothing. So true.

Lets all be selfish and make plans for oursleves because waiting and anticipating is a torture.

Work is Hell. Every Single Part of it.

ShaSha's Housewarming Party cum Valentines Day Celebration

2009-02-15T01:38:00.002+08:00

To sum it all, it was great. Went to Sha's house at 4pm(I wasnt the latest) with my MacaronieBriole(whahahaha. sounds good yea?) and my Valentines Day gift for gift exchange(I got a very lousy present and whoever took it, I'm sorry... ).

Shasha's house is so cool la! There is this cool parquet platform whereby she can do yoga every morning! Omph.......~~~

And we played Wii... Whoa I'm going to invest in this man.. real fun..

Which leads me to the real sad thing though.. I played to much after food and spent the next few hours camping in Sha's kitchen and toilet, puking out my super good MacaronieBriole, watercress soup with big chicken thigh, damn alot of spegetti with mushrooms(I remember mushrooms esp since I can still see half-chewed chunks of it here and there), green tea ice blended and mochi ice cream. So much food and imagine how many times I puked in total?! Eh.. Didnt really count. Goodness... Man I was totally out of it after I came out from Sha's toilet. Haha. I remember the girls asking if I was ok from the other side of the toilet door and Bestia was asking if I was still vomiting and I didnt ans her. Then Linda said 'selective hearing?' lols.. I was laughing la. Ai ya, was just to weak to ans and I didnt want you guys to worry la. So sorry cause I couldnt stay and you guys have to pause your movie every now and then.. And ya. Really a big thank you to Sha for rubbing my back and throwing my bags of regurgitated food.

Overall, it was a good experience and I wish I could stay longer but..... =)

oh wells! See you guys again soon! =)=)=)

An urge to blog

2009-02-11T00:30:00.002+08:00

Eh.. Its like 1 am in the morning and I have a sudden urge to blog.

The Chinese new year is over and I have nothing else to look forward to. So there is hardly motivation to work and play hard.

Valentines Day is coming and this day I'm going to spend my time with my friends, signifying that we're single and happy.

Dont get me wrong. I'm not trying to comfort myself.. I can survive. I will survive and I must survive. Because staying strong and forgetting the past is the thing I need to do now. I must remind myself time and again that he has moved on and I must too.

Thats about it for now.

Looking forward.

2009-01-31T14:39:00.002+08:00

Finally! The weekend we've been looking forward to ever since wednesday. I can use the extra time to spend sometime doing what I want to do.

lalalala... The bad stuff arent worth mentioning.

SO I'm gonna blog about happier stuff! Hmm.. which is better? Singing lessons or Japanese lessons?

They are all so expensive!! TSK TSK!!

And I still wanna go travelling!! HAIYO!!

Oh Yes, Gong Xi Fa Cai everyone.

Yuck!!

2009-01-12T22:15:00.002+08:00

Bad bad day at work! Bad bad day cause %^&^$*&#^(*$&@).. So sick now... I know I should be sleeping.. Haiz... Another wasted evening... ZzzzzzZ... Bad day again tmr. Haiz.. I need social therapy real soon... Argh.. I cant breathe with my nose!!

For one more day

2009-01-10T01:28:00.003+08:00

10th Jan 2009

12:31 am

Red Cliff

Bento Box

I'd rather have bad times with you,

Than good times with someone else.

I'd rather be beside you in a storm,

Than safe and warm by myself.

I'd rather have hard times together,

Than to have it easy apart.

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart.

-Luther Vandross

The one who holds my heart

Living the routine

2009-01-05T23:20:00.003+08:00

Christmas 2008

SzeYing's Place

Happy Birthday, WJ and JK

Happy Together

Hello. I'm almost dead. The only thing keeping me alive is the motivation of money and all the good that comes with it.

Christmas is over and so is new year.

Now we resume to our mundane work life.

So tinged with anxiety that we've forgotten how to smile.

Right now I'm looking forward to clique chalet. Class chalet is a flop since most doesnt want it anyway.

Nostalgic again.

Forget it. Live the moment.

Another year gone

2008-12-31T00:29:00.002+08:00

Happy New Year everyone! It has been a tough year but I'm glad we've managed to pull through.
About this year, hmm, I can only say I've come to know myself better, and have come to accept myself for who I am. So I can conclude that this year is very important for if I were to skip 2008, I would still be the one with the mask, struggling to fit in.

Special thanks to my clique, I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude. It was through you guys that I feel that for once I can be myself without having to feel weird. Because we accept differences and never impose our views on others, I feel very comfortable when I'm with you guys.
Leng Shan, thanks for being there and supporting me, especially during the period when I was facing some friendship problems. Bestia, thanks for being the sensitive and enthusiastic member of the clique. Although you always exceed your free sms-es, you still continue to keep us updated on the upcoming events. ShaSha, I always felt that we had alot in common so its very easy for me to speak up knowing that somebody understands. So thank you as well. Linda, it takes a super high friend for me to be super high as well. So whenever I'm with you, I'll be super happy and will always cheer up(you know how emo I can get). Thanks. Sze Ying, we know you care even though you arent always there. We'll never blame you because we know that you'll feel sorry that you cant be there for our outings already. Thank you for organising parties at your place. Its very troublesome but you were always ok with it. Meng Li, thanks for all the Bang Bang Tang talks cause you're probably the only person I know who watches it. LOLS. Seok Peng, recently, we've drifted apart, there are so many reasons but I know there is no need for explanations, I'm just glad that you've weijian as your good friend now. YY, although the times spent was very short, I'm glad you joined us. Really enjoyed those times at starbucks and Mac. Weijian, I've known you the longest, although not the closest, a big thank you to you too for encouraging me during As and being the only guy in our clique, I know its not easy, sometimes a little awkward but you make it a point to turn up for most outings. Although there were times when I felt that you didnt treasure the friendship, I eventually became more optimistic. So thank you. =)

Not forgetting friends I have way before the clique:
Brother: I know you will most probably not see this, but I just want to say I'm really glad to have you as a bro and a very good friend. I remember we had a huge fight and we didnt talk for about 6 months. Thankfully we reconciled and started talking again. Ironically though, the first day I started talking to you, YOU GAVE ME CHICKEN POX and I had to stay home for 2 weeks. =.= Haha. I had alot of fun laughing at you. Thanks for being the butt of our jokes. We had fun. Whahaha... The things you say just make me, joleen and gus wanna laugh at you. haha.. Jason and his Macsoso.. Hmm... What to say, we've shown the rest that a guy and a girl can be pure friends despite the futile attempts by Jiawhei to push us tgt(I dont know why). Anyways! I am most comfortable with you because you'll always allow me to be myself! Thanks!
Joleen: Hey girl! We've known each other since sec 1. Remember? You were carrying a briefcase to camp and I kept laughing at you even till now? =)) I'm sorry I couldnt make it for the VB outing, next time ok?! =) You have like the best personality ever and everyone loves you.. So I am very glad to be your friend. You're never angry! Its almost as if I'm acid and you're alkaline, neutralising the atmosphere. I really enjoy the times spent with you gus and jason. Hope this lasts forever!
Gus: We are probably not the closest among this small little group but you're like the leader, and I dont really know why. Haha.. Sorry that we were so indecisive, We'll try to do some serious planning before the next outing~!

Also, my new friends at work, HELLO! Just wanna say I'm really glad to know you all! Work is alot more interesting when you guys are around. Please keep in contact and ask us out soon!!Jesline, my SiSTER!! I really think you're a very warm and funny person! No one can be really sad and angry with you around. Haha, dont get bullied by Jun Yao too often ya?!

2008 will serve as turning point of my growing up journey and a significant part of my memory. I love you all and hope that year 2009 will be as good or even better. Happy new year everyone! Every year has its ups and downs but together we'll get through the tough times and create many wonderful memories. =) Looking forward to 2009 with our clique chalet the first event on the list. =)

My Sunday

2008-12-28T21:37:00.002+08:00

Hello. Here I am at 10 pm on a beautiful Sunday night, proudly announcing to the whole world that I spent the whole of today watching shows via the internet, cooped up in my little room where I am most comfortable and safe.

Yes, basically I slacked my whole day away. lalalalala...

Whohohoho... Now, a little time indulging in my own fantasies:
Like almost every other teenage girl or maybe even older, I am now obssessed with Twilight and am about to embark in the second book, New Moon. My only regret is that I did not get to catch it in the theater where the effect would have been much greater. Still my love is as strong for a romantic, bloodsucking, super suave immortal whom is willing to die for the love of his life (the catch is..though, errm..he cant die).
I mean, who doesnt yearn for a man to love a woman so much so that he is willing to sacrifice anything just to protect her?! Plus, the fact that everyone is so attracted to this movie clearly shows the lack of existence of such 'GOOD' men. Yes, no doubt, good guys are nearly extinct, where 'nearly' is an understatement to avoid being marked down for fallacies. Goodbye fairytales, we know you dont exist. But at least it gave us hope (with the exception of Sha of course, totally extreme in her point of view), well at least it gave me hope, I'm still looking for my Mr sharp-fanged Edward, but with the consideration that I dont look anything like Bella, I'll accept even if he is less hot~!! Romance aside, the movie, although I've heard many comments that it wasnt as good as the book, etc, its good too!! Lets give the production crew and actors some effort for all the special effects which cannot be truly experienced with a couple of paragraphs from a book off the shelf. I'll bet it took Robert and the crews countless of effort trying to get him to spring from tree to tree carrying 'Bella' on his back looking the least bit tired.

Haha. So the movie is great and my small little paragraph ends here as I have to spend the rest of tonight finally stepping out of the house to get something in the newly opened supermarket! Enough of those fantasies, and tomorrow I shall resume my rigid work life secretly hoping to see Superman fly past someday.

me me me me

2008-12-14T17:05:00.002+08:00

Quarrelled with my mum today. Again. Probably because I had too much time at home to engage in some meaningless verbal 'entertainment'. I hate it when my mum ends it with 'I'm not a good mum', because I'll be so guilty and I cant put all the blame on her. So the fault is on me right now. Sad and filled with guilt, all I can do is blog.
Wanted to swim but the pool is crowded with judgemental 'skin and bones people'. So my whole day is ruin with nothing to do.
I know it was wrong to argue but I still do it. I cant control myself. I detest and abhor myself.
Yes, I'm so proud.
I'm too defensive.
I'm, of course, very sensitive.
I doubt I'll ever have good friends.
I secretly wished I didnt have such a good life. So I have other things to complain about than my family.
I've never allowed anyone into my world.
They either cant or dont bother.
I'm narcissistic.
I love myself too much.
I hate portraits of myself. So untrue.
I'm a devil inside. I know.
I cant set my mind right.
I'm so filled with flaws
and yet I think I'm perfect at times. All the time.
I'm going crazy soon. And I blame it on the genes.
Its never my fault.
Ha, what a daughter
Ha, I shouldnt be here.

Happy Birthday Jason!

2008-12-06T02:29:00.002+08:00

It is 3am and here I am, fat like shit from all that beer. Sinful~~
Really enjoyed myself today. Havent had a gathering in years!!

Going Suntanning tmr and gotta wake up at 6 plus. Dont really think I'll be able to make it. =S

Off to watch my drama serials!

What have I been doing?

2008-12-05T01:24:00.005+08:00

With Sarah and WoonTing

Victoria and SiewPing

Webster. He should be the prom king lar!

The famous four

The "Gang"

Not forgetting to be unglam. Just a little.

eh? Same pic.. Haha.

Lonely and self-entertaining.

A little blur.. HAHA..

We look better when its BLURRED.

Nth much to say.

boring dinner. Linda is gone again!!

Hello!~ I've been enjoying every single day, engaging myself in fulfilling activities so that I do not have time to emo my life away and regret later. Glad to announce that I'm loving every minute. OKay lar, not really but almost.. =D

OK to start of with the most significant, I went to the prom. Although I cant really boast to Szeying and Lengs that they are going to regret not going, I can only say that its really an experience. Marking a point in your life. Meaningless, meaningful.. You decide.

My prom experience was one of mixed feelings. I was glad that I didnt have to spend extra money on make up and hair-do like the rest and was able to come up with something decent. I think I overdressed, abit, but its ok. The food was quite good. At least there wasnt much to complain lar.

I think the fun part was more of the shopping part rather than the day itself. Through prom, I was able to spend more time with my friends, esp bestia cause she was my shopping partner and all those friendship talks was really interesting and meaningful.

The day itself was only eating and photo taking. Phototaking was sick because I didnt have much friends and I was very much in my own world which was one of the driving point which encouraged me not to go for prom. My prediction came true and I had to keep myself busy most of the time so as not to feel so weird.

But if there is anything really bad... Its the 'after' activities. I guess Bestia, Linda and Shasha all know WHY!! I'm sorry. I'm really very disappointed that we couldnt go to Balcony because we had all discussed about this. I cant stand roaming ard the streets and go seven eleven to buy drinks like underage kids pretending to be like adults. Then having no where to rest, the four pathetic girls roam somemore to find a seat along the stairs with our heels. Its pathetic and it shouldnt be the case when we've done serious planning. I'm not going to pretend to be Miss Understanding and I'm going to remain pissed for the next few days!!! I'm not going to ton anymore outside when we dont have a proper place to rest. period.

Was talking to Bestia and ShaSha and Bestia brought up the fact that now that its holidays and all, the clique will be quite separated. Actually I think this is a pretty good thing. I know ppl reading this may have some doubts but look at it this way, we've always encountered problems defining our clique because we assume that the ppl we are with in school is our clique but yet some of them are not really there for outings and all. SInce its the holidays, take this opportunity to see who remains and who leaves. Separation does not mean the end, it'll only make things clearer. I personally feel that if she is a friend, you dont even have to try to contact her because she is always there. Thats just how I feel la. Plus, taking friendship out of school also allows you to choose your company. So I like the holidays. I'm surrounded by those whom I wanna be with and I enjoy their company!! =D

Here I want to clarify that although I do have some strong views against certain issues, I am not always stubborn in my point of view. Certain things I'm able to give and take and hear a second opinion. I dont feel that being stubborn is bad, but I am not always stubborn as well. Definitely I will fight for my point. I mean, who doesnt feel that their point is right? But I like to listen to other opinions (thats what conversations are for right?) PLus, Yes, I do detest ppl who judge me without knowing anything about me.

Right now, I'm pondering whether I'm actually bothered by insensitivity.. hmm..

幸福

2008-11-30T02:19:00.002+08:00

曾以為思念是因為愛得太深
無法將這一切都變成回憶

此時此刻才了解
這是依賴
漸漸的習慣有你的存在

放手也許對彼此都好

遺忘或許更快樂

Lucido-L

2008-11-26T23:38:00.002+08:00

Argh! Oh my Oh my! My Hair! I cant say its horrible BUT!!~~ NOOOO... Makes me look like some ah lian wannabe.

That being so, Lucido-L is really good. Although its not 48 hours yet and I do not know if my head will itch like hell later, the after colour conditioner makes your hair smoother than before! Whahahaha..

Still,............. HAIZ.

Off to watch some dramas!! ^-^

holidays

2008-11-23T00:47:00.002+08:00

I love holidays! Even though I feel so lost right now..
What am I going to do tomorrow? Hmm..
I dont want to think about my results anymore. Cambridge, please trust me.. I will work harder in UNI!!
Now is the time to enjoy and have fun! Whahahaha.. Yes! Augus is going to travel with us! There is hope that we might actually go somewhere.
It depends on the number of people going anyway. If we have alot of people going, a resort will be quite fun, but if its just the few of us, a resort might be too boring. =(

I hope recruit express does not draw commissions from me or I'll have a lesser income.
I think I should look for other alternatives so I'm going to try my luck again tomorrow. Hopefully somebody will feel that I'm capable of taking on the job and hire me at a reasonable pay! Woohoo!!

money money money.... Its a rich man's world....

Happy Holidays!!

not again...

2008-11-15T22:02:00.002+08:00

Tonight, I'm having dark thoughts again.

Basically because I have too much time to 'emo' myself away and reflect upon my past experiences.

But tonight, I've forgotten why I was contented by just being me.

I guess I've realised that maybe the problem lies in me.

"Nobody understands" - Perhaps because I've never really wanted them to. But who cares.

I hate being so sensitive.
Convinced that I can see through all. So sure that I'm right.
Even now as I'm typing this, I still think so.

"why do you think that of me?!"

Chestnuts

2008-10-23T12:43:00.002+08:00

One of the most obvious signs that I love my friends is that I'm constantly reminded of them whenever I see something somehow in association, be it in the character traits, appearance, etc..

So yesterday I was happily eating chestnuts that my ever so thoughtful mum bought for me.
It was an enjoyable experience until I decided to break one of the chestnuts into half and then having the most perfect eyesight, I saw a squirmy little thing in right in the middle. On further examination(touching and all), I realised that it was a dead and roasted maggot (it didnt take too long).
So the main point is.. I thought of Sze Ying. =D

After which I spent the next few hours in serious discussion with my maid on the origins of that roasted maggot. She insisted that there was a hole in the Chestnut and somehow the egg got inside the chestnut and grew into a maggot. I, on the other hand, was very sure that it was the end product of a forbidden love between Mr Mag and Ms Chessy.

=END=

YY's Birthday.

2008-10-13T19:23:00.005+08:00

Yes! Here it is! The end result of our commendable effort at planning this wonderful day. In my opinion, it turned out well. Hoped everyone enjoyed themselves, esp the bday girl. =)

Star of the day....none other than the ever so pretty... YY!

Hmm... Have we forgotten that THIS IS MY HOUSE! (whoa... relaxed huh..)

At some ulu pub with a waiter that doesnt understand English...and we had to choose a seat near the toilet. X___X

Yes. my friends are models. esp the one on the right.

Hmm... people call her 'BIMBO'.. and I wonder why...............

+++++The End+++++

Thoughts

2008-10-06T22:40:00.003+08:00

Why do birds fly when ants crawl?
Why do people bask under the lights of fame while others fight for a piece of bread?

Why do we need answers?

He who fights finds joy in the slightest achievement of a crumb and the ants gratified in the sand..

Little pleasures.

2008-09-28T00:38:00.004+08:00

Hectic day today but its all worth it. =)

Had dinner with Joleen and Jason at sushi tei

---> my dumb look.

Good food with great friends..

Feels like heaven.

'Tomorrow is a brand new day!' says Joleen

Yes.. Looking forward to more quality time spent with them!

Thumbs Up!

'If we hold on together, I know our dreams will never die.'

lalala.... life goes on...

2008-09-24T22:40:00.005+08:00

Happy happy belated birthday to Linda, Mengli and Szeying.

I am not going to post any pictures since my friends have done so and its all the same.

Someday... I'm not going to be unglam!

Anyways. Everyone is back to studying mode which makes me wonder why I'm still here. Recently a few of us have drifted and due to study breaks, we seldom see each other that much. This brings me back to isolation mode again and thank god I'm completely used to it.

A random thought ran through my mind a while ago while I was showering.. Since I'm not a fan of crowds, why not travel alone? o.0.. I was really excited until I remember that it means sleeping in a hotel room all by myself.. =S Scary...

Still, just a little digression.. Good for the soul~~

18 jin bu jin is surprising good.. Hmm.. and eastyle certainly deserves more recognition and fame. Woo hoo.. hot hot hot

On an emotional day like this..

2008-09-20T17:01:00.002+08:00

You feel like staying indoors, hiding below your thick, warm blanket and enjoying the comfort of being alone.

But no, you're out in this cold heartless world where everyone watches your every move, so ready to stike. Masked with a friendly smile and pleasant features, she carries a knife behind her back, and catches you unaware..

You're vulnerable, you're weak. You stumble, you fall. You cry against a cracked wall, fingers streaming down the lines of imperfection. You hear laughters behind your back, you hear footsteps getting louder.

You turn and they march nearer, uniformed and synchronised. 1 2 1 2 playing a lifeless melody, they uncover their masks to reveal years of jealousy, hatred, narcissism and anger.

Your heart tells you to run, your body wouldnt listen. You stay right where you are, eyes closed, awaiting your doom.

Stab, stab.

Blood against the cracked walls, filling up the ugly gaps. They clean up the place, wear their masks and await the next victim.

Happy Birthday Linda!!

2008-09-12T23:34:00.002+08:00

Ahh... Its been a long time since we went out as a group. Yesterday was fun! =) Happy Birthday Linda!

What seven weeks to As? and I'm working as if there is seven months left. Tsk tsk.... No. I will make it through and those who used to laugh at me retaining can have their teeth all knocked out!

What is Karma? Does Karma still happen to a person who realises his mistakes and had changed for the better? If this is so, why do some other people, who are unrepentent, not get their karma and gets away with gloating over others' misfortunes? I guess in this world it is never fair, no matter how hard we try to achieve equality.

Money Money Money..... need some money.... money money money.... piggy bank is empty....

haiz, I'm losing hair.......................... Nooooo.................... Off to cut vegetables. Bye.

The late starter

2008-09-03T22:46:00.004+08:00

Hello.. After a few days of quality time spent, I shall now declare that the good times are over! (I'm a late starter I know.. )

Tomorrow I'm going to study with my dear friends at west coast Mac.. =) As unproductive as it may be, It will be fun so its worth it (fun + study= rare).

Goodbye holidays~~ I will miss you...

Brought my sis to Science Centre today. $6 per pax is damn ex considering that I have to pay for myself, my maid and my sis. There is really nothing much to see actually and the stimulator is GONE?!?! awww man... I remember as an active primary school kid, I used to run with a few of my classmates to the stimulator, throw(literally) 2 bucks at the man and quickly grab a seat(in the front row of course). Then I will proceed with upholding my reputation of the 'daredevil' by not holding on to the bars. Cool okay.. My friends would all be like screaming and theres me at the side, smirking.. HEHHEH.

Wanted to watch the OCEAN in the Omni theatre but that would mean burning a big hole in my pocket. So I gave the idea up.

Tsk............ I have to confide in somebody! I'm SCARED!!~~~ AHHHH.. BUT I HAVE TO DO IT! Come on Stella! You shouldnt have to be scared. JUST STAY STRONG, FIRM, and all will be fine. It will be fun. Just keep telling that to yourself... okay.. okay.. I can do this.. right..

My BOss My Hero is super funny.. :S!! WANQING IF YOU SEE THIS, YOU'RE RIGHT!! ITS SUPER FUNNY. Erm.. actually not that funny, but entertaining.. =)

Oh yes, took this in science centre. Says: Plastic Surgery on the top... WHO WANTS TO GO FOR PLASTIC SURGERY IF THIS IS THE END RESULT?!?!?~~

That is probably the only fun thing in science centre.. Zzz.. Oh.. and the disturbing scene of the eel eating a guppy.. 'Gross' said a small boy standing next to me.

Goodnight.. =)

Interpals

2008-09-01T00:17:00.003+08:00

If ever you feel bored and a sudden urge to know more people from abroad. Please just go to interpals. You get really nice people. Erm.. Of course with the exception of some.

Its real FUN and I've been online the whole day chatting with them. Real cool. thumbs up!

Of course there are other websites, like the one lengs go to. BUT THIS IS THE BEST. and only because I'm in it. WHahahahahahahahahaha.. It feels as if I've been to 5 countries in a day!!

Yes! Going to get an MP3 tomorrow. Thanks big sis!! And thanks to mummy for the tv~! WHAHAHAHAHAHA.. O happy day!!~~

BUT LINDA. I'm STILL going to post your UNGLAM(although its not very unglam but thats the worst I could get) 小叮噹 Pic:

Ha! Theres more to come. Just you wait! Qia Char bo! X____X

2008-08-29T12:13:00.002+08:00

Yay! Prelims are finally over! So we are blessed with a few days of slacking and getting in touch with our long lost friend, "LIFE".

Studying at Mac Sucks! Its noisy, scary(lizards), and super sinful(all the knowledge goes to your waist)! But ya.. Its fun and all.. Good to have a little noise and some interesting sights(saw this cute little boy at science centre mac, assuring his 'girlfriend' that the mcnuggets was nice.. Haha).

Overall, Mac is still the best choice.

Thanks to Linda, I dont have to post any pictures. =)

Going to the 10 dollar ktv later. A little reluctant although its considered 'cheap'... "$10 is still money okay!" lols..

Oh wells, Hope its worth the money..

I am seriously tempted to go to the following places:
-science centre cum omni theatre
-zoo
-night safari
-underwater world
-songs of the sea beach pub

Yes! Thats about it! =) =) =)

Thoughts

2008-08-19T23:18:00.002+08:00

This is the period where lethargy sets in and your soul travels to another place beyond these confined walls, in a place you deemed as paradise.

Ahh.... Sick of examinations. Wished I had completed As, which I should have.

Random: Theres a saying which goes like this, ' Do not do to others what you do not want yourself.' Something along that line.. Yes. So true. Hope Karma exists.

Damn, its literature exam tomorrow and I havent touched Lit at all. So its a gone case for me.. WHee... DIE DIE DIE(not like I would do well if I did study anyway).

Aww man. Totally forgot that there is an econs test this friday! alamak! I was slacking for the past few days luh!

Today wasnt very productive as I only managed to cover Japan's economic problems and now I've forgotten half of it so I think I might have to re-read again tomorrow. What a waste of time to have short-term memory. My mind is too filled up with crappy stuff to store in the important infos! NNOOOOO............ Please expand the capacity of my memory(but not the size of my head)!! Please Let me be equipped with supersonic brain cells and speedy writing abilities! Please.. Let me wake up tomorrow and be the guru of the arts!!

Study Break

2008-08-08T22:13:00.002+08:00

Studying sucks. Especially when its not productive. Then you wonder why you even studied at all. Hmm, maybe because I was watching Batman at the same time. :s .. Well whatever.

Somebody - shoot me. Its friday and I havent really done much studying. COME ON ITS STUDY BREAK FOR A REASON! Somehow subconsciously I've omitted the word 'study' and paid more attention to the 'break'.

Recent Addiction: Phoenix Wright and retail therapy.

Anyways, today was fun, met up with Jason and Joleen. Saw Haris. Its quality time spent. Toured around Ngee Ann. Cool Place, they have everything. That stupid Jason had to curse me when we passed by S*M. Saying that its my future school! SHIT MAN! CHOI CHOI CHOI!!!

On wednesday, the girls came over to my place and we went swimming. Took some pictures but for obvious reasons I'm not going to put it up. Dont want to scare anyone you see..

Alrights, time to rest. Tomorrow is another tiring day! Gotta pray my granddad and I have to celebrate Grandma's bday on sunday. Havent gotten a present yet. =)

Happy Birthday SINGAPORE! WIN LOTS OF MEDALS IN THE BEIJING OLYMPICS!!!

Away

2008-08-01T22:53:00.002+08:00

Someday I'm going to float away on an island where they actually find fat and ugly people attractive. Heh.

Damn! I've got limited(no) talents~! No way! Argh.. Its okay, I'm just being humble lah.. Whahaha....

Someday I will be queen. Queen of the land Hakaluttamogadushu. Yep thats right.

Lesson of the day: Sometimes, we should accept criticisms and nasty words and work towards a better self.

Hmm.. Feel like spending the morning at the botannical gardens all of a sudden. A random urge to get in touch with nature after a week of fast paced city life and lots of polluted air.

31st August

2008-07-31T19:34:00.002+08:00

Today's lesson: Humans are all selfish, just dont feed the dog that bites.

While you try your best to stitch up others' wounds, there they are carving their knives.

Just a random thought, theres no explanation for it.

recent addiction: ice bandung and psp.

I think instead of trying to be 'the great saint', I'd rather be myself. hate it, leave it.
Just dont talk behind my back alright?

I wonder if people know 'limits', sometimes I dont think I do. *shakes head

and sometimes people do take things for granted. Most of the time actually... Until a day comes when all is gone....

Tomorrow is the official end to boring lessons! Let it be a fun day without people ruining it.

Alamak!

2008-07-29T22:47:00.003+08:00

Haha.. 'Alamak!' Is the new cool word! And before somebody steals this... COPYRIGHT! :)

Anyways, I was intending to post some fantastic pictures of my Genting trip but because the pictures are in my lappy and I'm using the desktop, I shall blog about something else.

Haha. Stole this picture from Lengs. Yep, indeed the times spent with them is undeniably one of the best things throughout my JC life. I've never regretted (and I never will) knowing this bunch of crazy little girls of very different backgrounds coming together and having loads of fun. Even at this point in time, when we are supposed to be terribly stressed out and restless, yet they made this period enjoyable as well. We study, we play and we helped each other along the way. Nobody gets left out and everyone is free to share their problems. gloomy days and pissy moods, we'll walk it through. =)

Just recently, a friend of mine was talking to me about friendships and this got me thinking: 'How sure are you that you're being treated as a good friend over there?'.
And now I think I know. I know, because my friend, it really isnt how they really feel about you, but how they make you think they feel about you. With them, you just know that they'll be there. Yes, they all have best friends out there somewhere which they probably treasure more, but at least they dont make you feel left out, they dont make you sad, they care about you, they dont take you for granted and they make you feel that we can just spend quality time together without anyone else. Its not always me me me, but us. You probably dont understand still, but with them I feel loved and I feel that they enjoyed my presence. No pretense necessary and no selfish moments. I am free and happy.

Thanks guys.

Today's Date(so anti climax.. tsk!): 30th July

The way things are

2008-07-17T19:41:00.002+08:00

In just one night, I've lost 4 people. Of which all thinks I'm a tyrant, 1 hates me, 1 is angry, 1 is a victim under my tyranny and 1 just follows the crowd and none bothers to do anything about it..

and life goes on...

Just so you know, I'm not going to do anything either. It cant always be me.

and Just for the record, tyrants do get hurt.. (at least in my case I'm sure..)

Blogging is seriously getting better. I feel so much better now.

ahh.... life goes on.. and on.. and on..

ok! Off to disturb my little sis! =))))

Sorrow slips away

2008-07-16T14:48:00.003+08:00

The sky is clear now, I've just walked through another storm, and feeling much better now. The problem isnt exactly solved, but I'm back to where I was before, and I'm not going to let it get into me again.

Thanks to my friends who are always by my side, ready to listen, and advice. I wonder when was the last time somebody cared. But now, at least I know they do. Blessed I must say I am.

I think I'm a very stubborn person. I like to do things my way and it doesnt really please people at times. SO sorry for the disagreements but I'm glad you guys voiced out. Its always good to listen to the other side of the story. But of course, its also comforting to know that somebody agrees with you as well.

Special thanks to Sha Sha and Lengs who have been with me throughout my emo days, listening to my problems. =)

and of course theres Sze ying... Who is always there as well...

and the rest who made school less stressful and more fun. =)

OK thats about it..

A reply to a comment

2008-07-11T20:24:00.002+08:00

Here's what I have to say:

There has been a thousand things going through my mind recently. On certain days I dont even feel like talking, doing work or even move.
I thank you for the comment, but I must admit, your words do hurt.
Because I feel that you dont understand.. still.
My greatest regret was to pour out all my feelings, because it made things worse.
I wished I could just endure a little longer, but I cant.
Cause it hurts and nobody understands.

People like to help when they see their friends having problems, but sometimes, its good to ask first before you confront the other party.
Now I cant help but feel a little awkward when I am talking to you guys.
And sometimes all we want is just a listening ear.
Nothing more.

I do care alot
and thats why I am unhappy.
I didnt want to say it, cause I know it'll leak
and true enough.
I know, 'dont think too much' is all you'll say
But have you all thought about it......'CAN I??'
There is a reason why I see things the way they are.
Nobody can be sure if I'm thinking too much or if its really as I've said
Thats the way I am.

I notice little actions
Because they tell the truth.
Unexpectedly
And deliberate actions, are just how the person wants to portray themselves as.

I'm not trying to act philosophical here, just trying to make you understand me.
I'm not the 'what you see is what you get' kind of person.
So you may think I'm weird, scary and not very approachable.
Because I hardly relate my feelings to others, but recently I've been opening up.

DIdnt work

I'm sorry for scaring you today. Was feeling abit pissed so my tone became a little harsh, although I didnt mean for it to come out this way.

I do not want to salvage anything because it is useless.
not because I dont care.
If I didnt care I wouldnt feel so sad.
I wouldnt have to waste the tears.
I wouldnt have to stare at my work with my head and heart somewhere else.
and ironically, I was sad because I thought others didnt care.

Life, takes you by the hand, then throws you off the cliff.

I'm on bad terms with almost everyone now. Friends I used to treasure very much.
A part of me doesnt want to remain like this. So I dont want any changes because I'll get sad again.. Then whats the point? Maybe its my fault and my emo, over reacting thoughts and actions. But thats just me. WHY DOESNT ANYONE UNDERSTAND?!

Ignorance is BLISS. Insensitivity is JOY.

Me and my self centred life.

2008-07-07T22:13:00.003+08:00

Once again, a sad post. Once again..

Finally, like everyone else I know, I'm going to be selfish for the benefit of my soul.

Its almost over now, and I guess now is the time to truly let go. There is no point in holding on to something you feel sad with. I cant walk on anymore, I'm paranoid, I'm depressed and I'm thinking too much.

Perhaps I read a little too much into things. But am I wrong? I think my reasoning makes sense, its not a stubborn thought. I'm just very confident about this. How sure are you? Someday in time you'll see what I see, know the secrets that I've been keeping and truly understand.
You have a point, I understand what you mean, but you dont experience it, so you dont know. Yet.

Miscommunication really sucks. Sucks when you're misunderstood, accused. Sucks when they take the opportunity to stab you. Sucks when they dont appreciate. Sucks when your good friend took sides against you. Sucks when they are standing at the corner, watching, laughing, criticising.

and like a fool, I pretend that I dont see.

and others. think I'm weird and thinking too much.

Yea.. I'm crazy and suffering from depression.

Haha, and I seriously thought we are special. I'm nothing.

Its just one of the days you'll lie on your chair, giving the numbed laughter and engaging in a moment of self pity.

From now on, never to think about this. Dont think any further to prevent any more hurt. I will enjoy my life loving myself and being so god-damned selfish.

Isolation starts from this very moment.

I like myself, my character and everything about me in my own little world with just me in it.

Oh no..

2008-07-05T20:21:00.002+08:00

5th July. ( see mengli! I remembered to put the date!) =)

Haha, went to the library to do a little work today. It was a.. weird experience.
Firstly..
I shared the table with a lady at the cafe. After awhile her daughter(ard 5 yrs old) came over and...

daughter(looking at me): hello auntie something! (forgot what was it)
Me: ...
Lady: What auntie.. JIE JIE!
daughter(eyes still fixated on me): Oh.. But she look like auntie something!
Me: ...

After some time,
Lady: Erm.. what primary school or secondary school are you in?
Me: Errrr... I'm from JJ (I'm wearing JJ love fiesta btw)
Lady(awkward): Oh.. junior college...

Nice.

Well, at least on an average I look my age... =.=

Went Alexandra Village to have dinner with family. Saw the cute pc teacher with his wife. Awww.. they were holding hands like young couples on a date!

Now.. Talking about yesterday
Cool day at school! All we did was basketball and more basketball. So fun although I think I screamed more than I touched the ball.
:S
Went mayim for lunch, wow 10 of us! Its quite good, but I dont know whether its the company or the food. Maybe both. Haha. We exchanged numerous ghost stories as well. Seriously I think its really cute of guys to be afraid of the paranormal and admit it. Its always cute for guys to admit their flaws I guess, given their egoistic nature.
Then we head down to Mac and do what we girls do best. Chat. Chat. Chat. About chalet, about friends, about everything.
After which only me, linda, lengs, best and mengli were left doing nothing and dont wish to go home. Credit goes to mengli for inviting us to her hse for mahjong. Thanks man. Had fun!! Wasnt very lucky that day, just won a few rounds but ya, wasnt so bad! And her house is so freaking big and nice! I couldnt stop praising her place to my dad and insisting that he should consider toh guan!! Lols... Its really great and did I ever mentioned? Her sister is damn cool. She has got 'sense'. haha.. dont know how else to describe.

Motivation

2008-07-03T23:05:00.002+08:00

Motivated to do many things starting from now. Ever since school reopened, it seemed like alot of things has changed. My environment, my lifestyle and my path. So its a good thing, at least for now. Yes, and I'm inspired to be a vegan, but dont think I have the determination to do so. After all, Its really hard to dine out with your friends and family unless you're willing to settle for a pathetic bowl of salad while the rest tuck in to their juicy steaks.. Gosh!

Heh Heh.. SUBWAY STUDENT MEAL is finally here in jurong point. Cold Cut regular meal for $5.50! Cheap!!

Haha, afew of us stayed behind after school today to relive our childhood by playing games like 'pepsi cola', 'iceman', 'eagle and the chicks', 'handiplast' and open numbers. Fun and we made hell of a noise.

Its all my fault. I should've known better.

PLease, keep my mouth shut.

Nostalgure & a note to a friend

2008-07-02T23:34:00.004+08:00

Was packing my stuff when I came across some of my secondary school pictures together with little gifts and dust-filled letters. Its quite shocking to see how much a person can change within a short few years and sad to say, mine is more of getting worse.. Of course, we'd hope to travel back in time and change certain things in life. Yet, the mistakes and follies of the past serve as a lesson and something you'll laugh about in years to come. A wonderful memory you might say.

Slap Slap, back to reality. Strive for tomorrow before it turns into history. =)

Some people dont understand me, yet its the people that does, matters most.

To a special someone:
I think in the midst of reading this, you'll probably realise that I'm talking about you. Recently, alot of things have changed and not everyone likes to just sit and watch. I will not engage in a conversation with you about this topic, because it seems that we'll never reach a consensus. A couple of months ago, you chose a path for yourself. You believed that it was the right one, so we respected your decision, and loved you all the same. But now, that this path draws you away from your friends, your usual self, it is getting worrying. We've had talks among ourselves, disagreements most of the time, and its hard to watch you drift away. Perhaps we do not have the best influence, but once upon a time, at least, you enjoyed our presence, just like we enjoyed yours. I'm not your closest friend, neither am I anywhere near, but I'm not blind, deaf and dumb. Therefore, I feel that as a friend, that I should attempt to pull you back, and tell you what I see and hear. Although you still laugh and joke, but there is a distance now, I hope you know.. You may not agree with me. Choose to ignore and walk away. But do remember we are always here if you decide to turn back someday.

2008-06-29T10:52:00.003+08:00

A couple of months ago, when my sister asked if I wanted to go Genting for a holiday and I said No. But now I just can wait, because after one week of stress-packed schedule, all you wanna do is to travel up to the highlands and grab some fresh air. Stress-free.

He msn-ed earlier. It is always at these unexpected times that it feels really good. Finally he thinks that army life isnt that great after all. Haiz. Hope he survives through. And as for me, it is never about 'should I wait?', why do we even have to ponder about this? I mean, if you cant put him down, then just continue on. Act how your heart feels.

Omg. Played Mahjong the whole night through. I kept having small wins which I initially thought was quite save, but my sis won a big one and swept all my winnings away. =.= Wells, it was fun.

Life is okay as it is right now, despite the occasional emo thoughts, I guess I'm a happier person.

Zonked Out.

2008-06-27T21:41:00.002+08:00

Ta da! I am still alive after 1 week of torture! How cool is that?! School has reopened and now we're in term 3, some mugging, me struggling.. =(

Monday:
A new timetable! Yes, now we can go home earlier which is a good thing because lectures are really not useful to me. Math was the first lesson and it was a demoralizing one because I realised that I couldnt do any of the questions (not that its surprising or anything) and having Junkai by your side, smirking at the fact that his 300 bucks tuition paid off is not exactly comforting. The day went on with someone who kept rattling on that I should buck up, which isnt a good way to start your school with. SO with experience, I recommend that one should start school isolating yourself. =)
Went starbucks Holland with the girls to study for our history test the next day. It started off being very productive because we have Linda around to go through with us the whole of China's economy with her exaggerated hand gestures. Lols. Went provence to get some bread and some of the girls left leaving me, Linda, SzeYing and Lengs, chatting away. We talked about alot of stuff, mainly revolving around friendships and I realised that I wasnt the only one without a 'best friend' and I wasnt the only one with failed friendships. I know its really silly to talk about this when there is a freaking heavy history test the next day, but it was seriously worth it, yet only to those who treasure friends more than anything else. I think its becoming a habit now, that we're grouping together going out as a clique to study, cause thats what its all about, enjoying the good times, enduring the bad times. We left at ard 10 and by then, I had alot of thoughts running through my mind. I'm sorry people, I'm just too afraid to voice out. =)

Tuesday:
I cant really remember tuesday. Just that we had history test and I didnt do well cause I wrote only 1 page for source based and I spotted china but japan came out. Zzz.. But its okay, we're not tested on spotting skills and its not like we can afford to spot for A lvls anyway. =S

Wednesday:
Went to westmall mac with the girls. Super not productive! Left after reading a few pages. Horrible. Didnt study when I got home. Horrible. horrible. Rot and Die.

Thursday:
Cant do math again. Zzz Yes I got that 'talk' again. Was abit pissed because I dont understand econs and I'm starting to hate closet muggers with the intention to harm others. Closet muggers are the worst things on earth. Singapore is full of closet muggers because of the increasing competition in the society. They are selfish and full of SH*T. Lols.. The whole day was full of crapping and basically making a fool out of myself.

Friday:
Very short day today. Had civics in the morning whereby we were given a prep talk. I look at all those courses and requirements. Yes, I got the 'talk' once again. I was wondering what course to take, but I really dont know. So I guess the best way is to wait for my results, then decide. Had econs, was abit better than yesterday. Went to Tanglin. Not bad quite cool. Its just very different. Went over to Isetan. They were having the hokkaido fair! Bought a 2 dollars rice cake with red bean. Sounds nice, looks nice, taste weird.. 0.0 Its too hard. but the red bean was ok. =)
Brought stiky to school today! He managed to capture lots of attention and brightened up my day too! =)

Starting to miss him alr, although its barely a mth since he left. Wished I could just get a goodnight msg. But who am I kidding. Ha..

I like to listen to stories, memories, and problems, because for awhile, I forget my own..